“I am a 42 year old man who loves giving spankings. Lately, I have been curious about what it might be like to get a spanking. I used to get spanked when I was younger and that is my only spanking memory. Though I have fun giving spankings, I think I am ready to get one from someone who is experienced and knows what she’s doing”
- Jim

"I am a female who is married to a man who is submissive to me. I make the decisions and I spank him when he doesn’t obey. Though I enjoy controlling him sometimes it gets tiresome and I’m curious about receiving. I would like the spanking to be sexy; I’m not into pain. Should I tell my husband or will I usurp my position of authority?"
- Melissa

“I am a born female spankee. I have no desire to be the spanker. However, sometimes I play with men who ask for spankings. This is a turn off for me. Am I being selfish?"
- Jessica

People in the spanking scene generally label themselves as top, bottom or switch. It’s common to choose the aspect that is most appealing and exciting. People who switch enjoy both giving and receiving a spanking. It’s not unusual for people to branch out from their original role. I’ve had many a male top contact me for a session. Oftentimes these are guys who are ashamed to share their desire with a spanking playmate. They fear their lady will lose interest. Or, worse, they have expressed their interest only to be shunned.

Spanking play allows us to explore and act out different parts of our personality. Human beings are dynamic. The top and bottom exists within all of us. Unfortunately, society doesn’t always support this belief.

Gender Identity
Traditionally men are taught to provide for their family, make decisions and be the sexual aggressor. It follows then that in spanking play we imagine the male to be the spanker. He takes his naughty female partner, puts her over his knee, lifts up her skirt, pulls down her panties and administers a good sound spanking to her cute bare behind.

Women who enjoy spanking, like the feeling of being held and being taken care of by their ‘daddy’. Oftentimes it helps re-do unpleasant childhood experiences. The punishment is sane, systematic and administered with care. The young lady feels protected and nurtured by her strong, wise man. Picture John Wayne spanking Marilyn Monroe and you get the ultimate male/female spanking stereotype.

Shades of Gray
In today’s world men are encouraged to get in touch with their feminine side while women are reaching new heights in the workplace and at home. Old traditions are breaking down fast. Men are finally letting go in the bedroom and women are learning to verbalize and communicate their needs. Men can be both aggressive and passive. Women can be both passive and aggressive. We all have more options and more areas to explore.

Still, in the spanking world some of us have a problem with roles. I have seen male tops openly display contempt for their male submissive counterparts. They don’t feel comfortable or right with the concept of men being spanked. Worse, some women stand firm on their role as bottoms. Jessica’s letter is only too representative of many women in the scene. They refuse to give their men a spanking thus depriving their partner of the very pleasure they crave. This narrow attitude also extends to male bottoms. Oftentimes they are reluctant to administer a spanking to a female claiming that females should be pampered and not be spanked.

Being Narrow Minded
The spanking community is a small one. I find it remarkable that there’s so much prejudice within this small microcosm. Tops are not better than bottoms. Bottoms are not better than tops. It’s a matter of taste and erotic pleasure. Attaching an element of ‘status’ to any one role is actually ludicrous and hypocritical. It’s about the give and take of erotic pain/pleasure. Nothing more and nothing less.

Which Role?
We identify with a certain role depending upon our upbringing and personal make-up. Which role we enjoy has less to do with gender than the way we identified with early figures of authority. Sometimes we identified in different ways with both roles. These are the people who naturally enjoy switching.

Some of us like the top role because we were spanked or shamed as children. We now enjoy stretching our dominant wings as a way to resolve the helplessness we experienced in our past. We felt out of control and resolved to never feel that way again. Thus it feels good to lead a scene and discipline someone in the way we wished we were disciplined in our formative years.

People who like to be spanked also crave something they didn’t get in their past. Some of us were abused with beatings, words or neglect. Or, we simply weren’t given well-defined boundaries. When we did something that didn’t please our parents we were yelled at or hit. We never understood what was happening. It usually felt crazy, random and out of control. Rights and wrongs were not addressed. We were left feeling confused and uncertain about how to act. We didn’t feel honored or respected. Naturally, we begin to wonder how it might feel to be spanked.

A ritualistic spanking is something very different. The punishment is well defined. The spanking is administered for the person’s own good within the context of care. The attention given is positive even though it is within the context of discipline. A spanking is the ultimate form of attention. There’s some communication, dialog and then a focus on our bared bottom. After the spanking, all is forgiven. We feel loved and cherished. A traditional spanking is very nurturing.

The Benefits of Switching
People who switch have the best of both worlds in that they enjoy both giving and receiving a spanking. It leads to longer playtime since one person does not have to give or get all the spankings.

People who both give and receive spankings are generally better, more knowledgeable players. They have a sense of what it is to be on the other side. Therefore, they are more understanding of their partner’s needs. There’s an internal gage that’s acquired only by people who have been on both ends. Those who have been there will be way more aware of non-verbal cues, vocalizations, body language and movement.
Switching is also the very best way to communicate your own needs. Generally we give the kind of spankings we like to receive. It’s the clearest way to express your spanking needs.

Couples who switch generally have healthier, more dynamic relationships. Again, there’s more opportunity to play. Each person has an opportunity to expand and be the one in control. No one gets an inflated ego or the idea that they have more power in the relationship.

We are all multi-faceted and it’s good to try exercising all facets of the personality. Switching makes you a versatile player with greater opportunities to connect with others. It’s fun and sexy to try on both roles.

How to Start
I am a big believer in role-playing. Many of your favorite spanking scenarios call for multiple characters. In this way you’ll follow a script that needs different parts. Role-playing allows you to step out of yourself and be someone else. It’s not you who are changing – you’re just playing a part.

Try this traditional school scenario:
Teacher spanks student without permission. Teacher reports to principal who gives her a spanking of her own.

When it comes to role-playing, the possibilities are endless. Just read some favorite spanking stories and enact them with your favorite spanking playmate. Even if you never discussed switching, this is a great way to subtlety make a change.

Make The Switch
Spanking is a powerful arena that we can utilize to re-create and re-do painful parts of our past. As members of the spanking community we owe ourselves the gift of compassion and tolerance. Embrace your spanking desires. Learn and have fun in your spanking play. Try switching – it takes something great and makes it even better.

- Jacqueline Omerta