If you are here at this website, reading this article, chances are you are stimulated by the topic of spanking. You are probably someone who enjoys spanking pictures, stories and videos. You may have even participated in spanking activity or you are currently contemplating the idea.

No matter where you lie on the spanking spectrum, you might question the idea of the actuality of playing. Is this a healthy activity? Am I doing something wrong? How will this affect my relationship?

As a therapist and expert in fetish sexuality, I can tell you without hesitation that spanking play, done properly, is a healthy and psychologically beneficial activity. It’s good for your emotional well being and enhances your relationship with your partner.

Spanking and You
No one needs to tell you how you feel about spanking. You already know. Spanking is an inherent part of your sexuality. You think about it at the moment of orgasm and it pervades your sexual thoughts. Try as you might, this spanking fetish does not go away. It’s part of you and here to stay.

There’s nothing wrong or deviant about you. Spanking became a part of your psyche when you were very young. Our formative years are the most powerful. They map out our personality and create the person we are today. We have no control over the fact that we are turned on by spanking. But we do have control about the way we feel about spanking. We also have control about how we incorporate spanking into our lives and sexual repertoire.

Re-Parenting
I think it’s safe to say that most of us who like spanking grew up with less than perfect parenting. This is not to bash your parents but simply to acknowledge that there were aspects of your childhood that could have been better. Some of us were overtly abused but the majority of us just had parents who did not provide clear-cut boundaries and consistent methods of discipline. Some of our parents were too permissive and let us get away with too much. Others had parents who were self-involved, neglectful, withholding, distant, unaffectionate, too busy with siblings, careers or simply not present emotionally.

Picture a child getting screamed out by somebody three times his size. Imagine a little five year getting hit because he has to go to the bathroom at an inconvenient time or a young girl who gets smacked in the face because she repeats a curse word and has no idea what it means. These are our childhood memories. While the ‘authority figures’ were indeed trying to correct behavior, generally the only thing we retained was the awful feeling that washed over us. The feeling that adults are ‘bullies’ and the world wasn’t a safe place.

The spanking fantasy is based solely on the physical act of baring a bottom and giving a spanking for the purposes of teaching a positive lesson. This nurturing lesson is something that we didn’t get when we were young. Spanking enthusiasts fantasize about real people and real situations. Why? Because we are subconsciously trying to fill a void deep within. We long for some clear cut boundaries and positive guidance. We wish for that feeling of being loved unconditionally. Spanking is the path we subconsciously use to channel these very normal human needs.

Spanking is not so much about pain as it is about discipline. That’s why we’re totally different than our S/M neighbors. Sadomasochistic people fantasize about a fictitious Master or Mistress doing things to them under the guise of pleasure and submission.

Many of us daydream about real people, past or present, turning them over their knee for a spanking for purposes of guidance and because it’s for their own good. It’s not meant to be pleasant but it is meant to teach a lesson.

After the spanking, all is forgiven.

This is the piece that we didn’t get that is necessary and life sustaining. That feeling of being corrected and forgiven. That’s why the spanking fantasy usually starts at a young age. It is a way to cope with anxiety and tension. The spanking daydream then becomes ingrained and carried into adult life. When puberty hits, it translates into sexual release.

Age Regressive Role-Plays
Many people who want to be spanked as adults feel unresolved about the way they were cared for as children. The following examples are the way in which people find spanking to be beneficial as a way to re-parent. These are all people who are spanking fetishists. They have been brave enough to re-enact some memories by actually submitting to a spanking. The role-play may or may not follow the actual memory. However, the theme parallels some of the memories and addresses the issues in a therapeutic way.

Case One
A 34-year-old male remembers accidentally causing a fire. When the fire trucks came he told a lie. He was believed and never told his parents. He harbored a great deal of guilt over this event. A confession followed by a spanking took away years of guilt feelings.

Case Two
A woman had horrible childhood memories of out of control, wild beatings by her step mom. This is the last person who you’d imagine would fetish spanking but this is the way she was able to cope. She turned something negative into something positive. Many abused children go into trance while they are beaten. This person had paralyzing trauma but turned it around by getting adult spankings with someone who is nurturing, kind and totally accepting.

Case Three
A lady whose step father used to beat her cruelly with a belt. He’d also call her cruel names and was extremely verbally abusive. This woman enjoys role-playing an insolent teenage girl. She verbally antagonizes and has a real potty mouth. This is because she has a secret desire to be accepted unconditionally. Unlike her dad, she’s not ridiculed. Instead, she’s spanked firmly but lovingly. The spanking lets her know that it’s her behavior that is intolerable. As a person, she’s respected and cared for.

Case Four
Carla was never spanked as a child. Her parents were very busy with running a family business. Carla would have liked to get more attention. She remembers hearing about a friend getting a spanking and for some reason this became a charged memory. Later in life Carla was reading an adult magazine and came across a letter about spanking. She felt turned on and didn’t know why. Today she enjoys the feel of being spanked and also enjoys giving the same experience to others.

The Nurturing Aspect Of The Spanking Model
Spanking is a healing way to resolve unresolved feelings from the past. Look at our basic scenario and it all becomes very clear:

We have done something that we know is wrong. The fact that we agree and know we have done wrong is key. Many kids are chastised by parents who are drunk or unclear in their thinking. The child has in reality done nothing wrong. In our spanking fantasy there is something clearly wrong.

The spanker clearly states the wrongdoing. The spanker is never angry and is always in control. The spanker speaks in a quiet but authoritative voice.

After the reason is stated, the spankee is firmly placed or made to lie over the spanker’s knee. There is no force involved. The spankee knows that a spanking is coming and there’s no holding back.

The spanking lasts for as long as needed to teach a lesson. It does not go on for an excessively long time or beyond the point of tolerance. If tears are shed, they come from the place of connecting and feeling sorry for our wrongdoing. The crying is cathartic and a natural part of the punishment.

After the spanking, the spankee is hugged and all is forgiven.

This is the fantasy and this is what all of us have longed for. We wished we would have gotten that feeling of acceptance in our lives. Adult spanking helps us make up for lost time. During spanking play, we connect to the feeling of being given lots of attention by someone who accepts and loves us unconditionally.

Spanking is very similar to a form of therapy known as psychodrama. This method has the client re-live traumatic experiences from life so they can get in touch with the feelings they had in that moment. Spanking role plays are very similar. The role plays helps us to connect to that deep place of wanting to be loved. Spanking provides a feeling of caring that we didn’t get in the past.

Adult Spanking For Real Situations
Many spanking fetishists find spanking to be beneficial to handle real-time adult situations.

Motivational Spankings
Many adults find the concept of being spanked for motivation to be helpful. I know a successful screenwriter who had issues with procrastination. He found that a ‘motivational spanking’ was helpful to keep him on track. He’d come for weekly ‘sessions’ and want to be given specific instructions and assignments. The spankings were given to underscore the task at hand. Other people find spanking to be helpful to motivate them to stop smoking, lost weight, exercise, etc.

My personal feeling is that motivational spankings are more about getting attention and guidance. I believe all these people could be motivated without the spanking. However, since they are spanking fetishists all ready they use this idea of motivation to justify the fact of getting over my knee. It’s a ‘fun fantasy’ and a beneficial way to combine two things of importance.

Couples Spankings
Lovers of spanking have no doubt heard of the famous ‘Spencer Spanking Plan’. It purports the theory that couples need to be responsible for each other. If one person breaks a rule, the other person gets to spank. I like the plan because it advocates husband and wife being both spanker and spankee. I think this plan is a good fantasy for couples that are both spanking fetishists as long as it is kept as a fantasy.

In reality, adults who enjoy spanking see it as something sexual. When someone is angry or upset, the turn-on level is low. It’s wrong and harmful to mix up the two.

For example, let’s say a wife her wallet and her husband attempts to give her a good, swift spanking. While the theory goes that the spanking will help clear the air, in reality it will actually make her feel worse. At that moment, the wife is upset enough about losing her wallet. She needs to make calls, cancel the credit cards, etc. A spanking, like sex, is the very last thing on her mind. Perhaps weeks later, when things have been resolved, a spanking may be in order. However, I believe it still stirs up some bad memories and may not be conducive to play. This is something for couples to resolve on their own.

Some couples say that spanking actually can be beneficial in that it clears the air. It also turns a situation that was upsetting into something exciting. I say that playing like that has to be very consensual and done with caution. Spanking is ultimately a sexual turn-on especially in a couples situation and you don’t want to confuse something positive with a negative upsetting event.

In Summary
Spanking is helpful in re-connecting with old feelings and re-experiencing them as something positive. Spankings can provide the feeling of unconditional love that all human beings crave and desire. Spanking play can fill in gaps and voids that we experienced in our formative years. These spankings are the age regressive types used in the context of fantasy role-plays. Emotionally impactful spankings should be done with someone who is understanding, kind and connected to you. There should be lots of communication before, during and after your session.

For more information, comments, feedback or questions, please email me.
Jacqueline
MISJACQ@aol.com

Jacqueline Omerta is a professional counselor with an expertise in sexuality and fetish behavior. She has a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology and over 20 years experience with sexual fantasy and fetish. She is the president and co-founding member of Pacific Force, Inc. She writes and directs all scenarios and story lines for Pacific Force movies. She oversees the production of all movies in order to insure authenticity and accurate portrayal of the spanking fetish and lifestyle. She is available for consultation through the contact information below.