Dear Jacqueline,
I have a girlfriend that allows me to spank her. She is a true spanko like me and we are fortunate to have met. We have been dating for almost a year now. She likes me to be a take charge kind of guy and we often role play different scenarios such as teacher/student; secretary/boss.

I really love spanking her but inside I have always been a switch. I truly like both roles. Before I met my girlfriend, I used to see professionals who were gracious enough to allow me to spank them as well as spank me.

My girlfriend knows I enjoy switching but she is not willing to spank me. She says it is not ‘her thing’. She is fearful she will lose respect for me if I go over her knee. I was OK with this arrangement but lately I have been craving a spanking myself. I really love the sensation of being taken over a strict lady’s knee. I like feeling my pants pulled down and having my butt exposed in the air.

I think spanking is all about fantasy. I never spank her when she’s really angered me. All of our spanking play is really in terms of role play. So, why can’t she role play being my teacher or something like that? I don’t want to go back to a pro but I have been thinking of sneaking out. Any suggestions?
- Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,
You wouldn't believe the amount of letters I get from guys who are in situations like yours. I see many men who are usually tops and want to experience the other side. Many don’t want to share this part of themselves with their partners over fear of rejection. And sadly, many have girlfriends like yours who are not comfortable in the top role.

Relationships are about compromise and give and take. Sexuality should be about both giving each other pleasure. For a female spankee to say that she will not spank, is the same as her only receiving but not giving oral sex but not giving. Very one sided and smacks of selfishness.

I am sure your girlfriend and many others in the scene don't mean to be selfish and probably haven't really thought it through. However, it is important that she knows your feelings since this is important to you. Surely she should understand the erotic nature of spanking and want to give the same pleasure as she receives.

All of us into spanking have felt weird and alienated because of our prediction to a sexual activity that's out of the norm. Surely we don't ever want to make our spanking partner feel bad or wrong about his needs. We spankos must stick together and support each other. Spanking is about having fun and producing tingly, warm red bottoms.