Here's my dilemma. Now that I have so much free time, I have been going on-line
a lot during the day. I was amazed at what happened the first time I typed in
the word 'spanking' on my search engine. I couldn't believe how many sites were
pulled up. I was like a kid in the candy store. I read stories, letters and
of course looked at pictures. Somehow along the line, I started going into news
groups and began corresponding with other spankos. It has been a good, validating
experience.
There's one gentleman who I have been communicating with a great deal. We
seem to have lots in common; especially our love of spanking. So far we have
only emailed each other. The other day he said that he would like to take a
trip to my city. He suggested we meet at a hotel and exchange spankings. Part
of me is really excited and wants to do this. The other part of me says that
this is wrong and possibly dangerous. What do you think?
Dear Tempted, I’m sure it has felt very relieving to browse the internet and find
tons of other spankos in the universe. We all want to know that we aren’t
freaks and that we aren’t alone. Sounds like you connected with this one
man….and that’s where you are now entering ‘danger zone’.
Remember that sharing a desire for spanking is different than sharing a passion
for sports, cooking, hiking, collecting, etc. Spanking, for us, is a sexual
activity. When we participate in spanking play, we are taking part in an erotic
activity. That’s because no matter how we dress it up, spanking turns
us on.
You are a married woman. Yet, you are forming an intimate relationship with
another man. You are also secretly planning a potential spanking rendezvous.
Dress it up however you like, but in my book, that’s called cheating.
Do you really want to be unfaithful to your husband? Cause that’s what
you are being right now – unfaithful.
Dangerous? Absolutely. Email is the ultimate anonymous way to correspond.
It feels safe to say whatever we like because it is invisible communication.
No matter how eloquent your writing, you are essentially faceless when you send
an email. We have absolutely no clue if this man is who he says he is. We don’t
anything about him for sure. I don’t need to lecture you on the dangers
of meeting someone on-line. I’m sure you are well aware of the risks you
would be taking.
So, what to do about your desire to experience spanking play? I recommend
you talk to your husband again. Take him to some of the websites and let him
see what it is that really turns you on. Chances are good that he’ll want
to please you. Now that your son is out of the house and you are entering a
new phase in your relationship, he may be more open to trying out new things.
Ask him to share one of his own fantasies. He may have a secret himself. Open
communications can lead to a nice of fun, hot sex.
Another option. Visit a female professional spanker (like myself) with your
husband. I have been extremely successful in working with couples where there
is a non-scene partner. I educate as well as instruct. I usually will give a
spanking to the desirous person and then teach the mate. I have the mate administer
the spanking under my supervision. Most men love to see their wife with another
female no matter what they are doing. Even men who are not born spankos don’t
mind seeing their wives panties down over another woman’s knee. It’s
a turn on! If your husband, is not agreeable to doing this, just go by yourself.
Why a professional? Isn’t that as risky as meeting my email buddy? No.
A good professional is way safer. If you choose to see someone other than myself
you will of course need to pick and choose carefully. However, the risk is way
less. The person has a publicized picture, address and phone number. She is
open about who she is and what she does. Going to a pro is the same as going
to any paid service worker like a hair stylist, therapist, and masseuse. They
are trained to perform a service. They will be open and friendly but ultimately
they will not want to get involved in your life or your business. They will
be discrete and confidential. You never have to worry about your husband finding
out if you choose to keep this a secret.
Seeing a female spanker is a good way to get your spanking needs met, guilt
free. You are not allowing a strange man to pull down your panties. You are
simply exploring a deep-seated need. Hopefully your husband will be open to
spanking but if not seeing a professional is a good way to satisfy this need.
You owe it to yourself to feel a spanking just once. After that, you may be
OK with just viewing spanking material.
Dear Jacqueline,
I am a 43-year-old married female. I have one son who is 19 and recently left
home for college. I do not currently work. The 'gap' in my life has given me some
time to start thinking about a life long secret fantasy of mine - spanking. Up
until this year, it was just something in my head. I'm glad I have been aware
of you and have read several of your articles and books because you validated
that I am not alone in my needs. You also let me know that it's OK for me to think
about spanking during lovemaking and at the moment of orgasm. Thank you!!
- Tempted Woman
I don’t blame you for feeling tempted. Spanking is something that you
have been keeping to yourself for over 40 years. I am assuming that you are
too embarrassed to talk to your husband about your spanking desires. Or if you
had, it fell on deaf ears. Keeping with this assumption, I am going to advise
you to carefully weigh your options.
- Jacqueline
Dear Jacqueline,
My husband and I are planning to go to a spanking party. We are not sure about
etiquette. What if my husband wants to spank another girl? Does he go into another
room with her? Do I go too and watch? What if a guy approaches me for a spanking?
Can I tell him no if I’m not interested? The concept of being together
with many spankos is intriguing but we are not sure about how to interact with
others.
- Virginia
Dear Virginia,
Going to a spanking party is very much like going to a swinging or wife-swapping
event. The only difference is that instead of people having sex with each other
they are spanking each other. For obvious reasons, the experience of attending
a spanking party as a single person is very different than attending as a couple.
Single people can go to these parties and mix freely. As a couple, you need
to establish how and when you will inter-act spanking wise with others.
Set boundaries way in advance. Talk about your feelings openly and honestly before attending. Think carefully about how it will feel to be or watch your mate over someone else’s lap. Are you going to be cool with panties down punishment (remember that’s pretty intimate)? How hard are you going to allow the spankings to be? Do you feel comfortable with your mate going off to a private room or area with a stranger of the opposite sex?
Here’s some thoughts for sensible couple play and etiquette: Agree to play with other couples only. That way everyone gets to play and no one is left out. Make sure you both feel comfortable with the other couple before committing to play. Communicate any boundaries in advance. This includes intensity of the spanking as well as any intimate touching. This will avoid misunderstandings and hard feelings.
Decide in advance not to leave your partner alone. No need to go to a private room. Remember you are in a committed relationship. If you have a need to play privately, you are devaluing the person who means most to you. Stick together and make this an experience for the two of you to share.
Do not let anyone coerce you into doing things that you prefer not to do. You have the right to say ‘no.’ Do not allow an over-zealous spanker, grab you from your husband. Remember you guys are there together.
Have fun but play safe and sanely.
- Jacqueline
Dear Jacqueline,
I am dating a female with an irresistible bottom. She wears nice tight jeans
that really plump out her assets. When we are out I can’t stop myself
from touching her ass. I rub it, pat it, fondle it but I want to spank it so
bad.
I know this girl has no desire to be spanked. It’s driving me nuts.
Should I just give her a few whacks and see how she responds? Or, should I simply
tell her about my desires and see what she says? I can’t take this much
longer.
- Carmine
Dear Carmine,
Such a waste for a girl to have such great assets and not want to get spanked!!
How does she respond to be touched on her buttock region? Try and notice her body language when you touch and fondle her there. You might want to give her a few playful whacks and see what happens.
I’m a big believer in communication. I would tell her in a casual way that you love spanking. Explain that you are an ‘ass man’ and this is simply another way for you to express your own sexuality. Keep the conversation about spanking light. Talk about spanking as a fun, playful, erotic activity.
If you feel confident and approach the topic in a positive way, I think she
may respond. With a bottom like hers, she probably attracts spankos all the
time. She may have been spanked before. Who knows? And that’s the point,
Carmine. You have to speak up in order to get what you want.
- Jacqueline
Dear Jacqueline,
I have been dating a girl for close to a year. I have been lucky enough to get
her to let me spank her. Though she never thought about spanking before she
seems to enjoy going over my lap. I try to make it a playful experience that
always ends up with sex. It is working.
Next month is her birthday. I thought about talking her to dinner and then
presenting her with your pretty heart shaped paddle as a gift. To date, I have
only spanked her with my hand. I want to step things up. What do you think?
Do you think that’s a good present?
- Bruce
Dear Bruce,
First of all, I want to say that it’s always nice to hear about someone
outside the spanking fetish being open to spanking. Your girlfriend sounds like
a good catch.
I like that you want to take her to dinner and then back for I’m what I’m assuming will be a birthday spanking and fun. That part is good. But let’s face it – the paddle is more for you. Stepping up the punishment needs to come from her. Not sure that her birthday is the right time. Remember this is a night to celebrate her.
The heart shaped paddle is gorgeous. It is beautifully crafted and feels good when rubbed against the skin. It is also made out of thick wood and therefore delivers a hefty ‘punch’. If you use it sparingly, tap lightly, and rub it will be nice and erotic. Do not use it full force or she’ll be turned off.
Either way, the paddle is a step in the right direction, but more of a gift for you. How about combining it with something she’d like? I’d suggest some pretty birthday spanking panties. It would be fun for her to try on new panties for you. You can also match the panties with a pretty nightgown, robe and slippers. That will make it more of a gift. Go to any department store and the sales clerk will be happy to help.
Glad you wrote. Hope you and your lady have a fun birthday evening. Give her
a few birthday spanks from me.
- Jacqueline