Readers Note: These letters are all real. The actual identities, parts of stories and names are disguised. I post letters so that we can share with each other and not feel so alone in our passion for spanking. These letters can be helpful for you to learn from the experiences of others.

Rest assured that your email to me is strictly confidential. If you DO NOT want me to post a letter (even in disguise) please tell me. Your limits, boundaries and discretion are always my first priority. I thank all of you in advance for your thoughtful and insightful emails. Together we can learn from each other.
- Jacqueline

Jacqueline,
I am a 32-year-old female who enjoys F/f spanking products and also enjoys getting spanked. The thing that is puzzling to me is that though I am definitely heterosexual, my spanking interests lie only with other women. I love the idea of a slightly older woman turning me over her knee and giving me a firm but maternal type spanking. After the spanking I crave affection.

I really like it if she rubs some cream into my sore bottom and then hugs, strokes my hair and rubs my back. The problem I have is that many of the women I play with definitely want to ‘go further’ than me. I am in one relationship now that is getting pretty sticky. Sometimes I wonder if I am a latent lesbian but truthfully I don’t feel that way. I have had many successful male/female relationships. I have tried to get boyfriends to spank me but the experiences were never too good for me. In the end, I guess I want a vanilla relationship and girlfriends to spank me on the side. Honestly, all I want is the spankings and then some affection. I do not want this to turn into sex. Is this possible to get?
- Natalie

Dear Natalie,
Glad you wrote. Let me ease your mind a bit. Many females in the scene like to spank or be spanked by other women. None of us would identify with being gay. We just enjoy engaging on that level with other women.

Many women like the idea of being spanked by a nurturing, motherly figure. Others prefer a female touch. Let’s face it. Men sometimes just don’t know their strength. When heterosexual women spank each other, they can concentrate completely on the spanking. Actual sex is not an issue. It’s the idea of the affection. I think this is where you lie. You enjoy the idea of getting spanked by another woman precisely because it’s not sexual. In other words, you prefer to compartmentalize your life. Spanking is on one area of sexual spectrum while regular heterosexual sex is in another area with another type of person.

I think what you are after is fine, normal and natural for you. I think there are many females out there who are like-minded. Unfortunately, you haven’t found the right women. It seems like you are picking females who want complete relationships with another women. I’m not sure where or how you are finding these ladies. However, you need to make it perfectly clear upfront that you are heterosexual. I’m sure you are doing this but you are not being heard. I suggest some long conversations and lots of communications before you jump over a lady’s lap. I know the spanking desire is strong but taking the time to get to know somebody is worth it in the long run.

Another alternative for you might be to seek a professional woman like me. Professional spankers/dominatrixes never engage in any kind of sex or sexual contact. It will then be a non-issue. Also by seeing a professional, you can be guaranteed discretion and safety. You can have a boyfriend without fear of jealousies or other relationship dramas. You can also really get the scene you want because as a customer you have the say. The focus is on you and you can communicate your needs to a caring professional.

I personally see quite a number of women who have had similar experiences to yours. A professional is cheaper in the long run because it saves you lots of time, aggravation and potential life complications.

Thank you for your email and let me know if I can further assist you.
- Jacqueline

Jacqueline Omerta,
I found your web site recently. I mention this, because I live in Vienna, Austria - not in Los Angeles, California. The internet connects people all over the globe. Your articles are convincing, especially the ones on ‘Spanking and Guilt’ and ‘A Spanking Is Not a Beating’.

My first experience was when I watched a girl spanked on her bare buttocks many years ago. It kind of pulled the trigger for me.

Guilt and shame: I was and still am enchanted by everything that has to do with spanking and enemas but I only found out that there is a word for it, when I was a university student: perverse. That was a blow to my self-esteem. Not that I felt guilty so much but I was ashamed for decades until I came to the point that I realized spanking is one form of eroticism. It is rooted in our nature and the only real problem is to find a suitable partner. Many women do not even know their spanking and anal capability. Instinctively they refuse.

You are right: To be a homosexual or a transvestite or a leather fetishist is becoming OK but spanking and enemas are not. Sixty years ago spanking was part of a good middleclass education and enemas and thermometers were health tools. That has changed drastically because Sigmund Freud suspected it of being sexually arousing. The moralists changed position. If spankings or thermometers are erotic, they must be ousted. The advantage of it is, that we are now aware, that spanking has an erotic quality and we can enjoy it provided we are not moralists.

So keep up spanking all the avid spankos. Unfortunately I am too far away to join you but I sympathize with your activities, which must give spanking lovers a kind of homey feel. And, yes I agree, hand spanking on the bare, over the knee is the ultimate form of spanking.
- Hans

Dear Hans,
I’m so glad you found our websites and the articles. You are so right. The internet is a wonderful way of connecting like-minded people globally. I think that is the best thing to come out of the internet: a way to communicate instantly and efficiently with others.

Sorry that spanking has caused you some pain in your life but I’m glad you are working through it. All of us know that spanking is a fine, enjoyable and intimate experience when we can find the right person.

I have people who travel to see me from all over the globe. That’s another thing about our world. It’s easy to get everywhere. Think about a journey to Los Angeles. It’s a nice place to visit and a great place for spanking!
- Jacqueline

Dear Jacqueline,
I have written to you on a few occasions and you have been kind enough to write me back. I hope that all is well with you and that you are in good health. I have a small problem and could really use your advice.

I have started dating a woman who wants to be spanked and she wants me to do it. I have never spanked anyone before. I have always been the one getting spanked. I mean I am not stupid but I know that done wrong someone could be hurt bad or at the very least have a bad and lasting memory.

So what should I do as I do not know where to send her.

I would tell her to see you but alas, we are far from Los Angeles. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
- Lawrence

Hi Lawrence,
I’m so glad you wrote about this. This question is very important because it brings up some real issue about rigidity within our community. Some people in the spanking community want to play one role only. Especially within certain groups men are expected to be the spankers while women are expected to be the spankees. I personally think this way of thinking is extremely outdated and very narrow-minded. It is also very unfortunate since we are a minority group and ideally we should be supportive to our members.

Our spanking community has developed its own ‘standards’ that are often contradictory and unsupportive towards its members. The truth about spanking is that it is not gender specific. Many like to get spankings as much as they like to receive. Women who traditionally like to get spankings oftentimes really embrace the top role when it’s presented in a positive fun way. When we do not allow others to experience spanking in the ways they wish men who like to be spanked feel badly about their needs and women who want to exert their power squelch their desires.

What’s wrong with taking on the top role for a change? I bet you could do it better than most. You have been on the receiving end so you would instinctually know the more pleasurable areas of the buttock region on which to administer a spanking. As far as worrying about ‘hurting’ her, I think you know about safe words and communication.

I think your reluctance to do this lies more within you. Somehow you feel wrong or uncomfortable giving a female a spanking because you identify with the male sub role. However, in reality you are being selfish. When someone likes a spanking, they like a spanking. She’s like you. She fantasizes about the spanking sensation and being allowed to let go. It doesn’t matter what gender she happens to be. Both men and women like to be spanked.

The people who make the best spankers are those who have experienced it themselves. Always start light and have her give you feedback especially the first time. I am very sure you can do it and I'm sure you would enjoy it as well. After all, you enjoy giving pleasure. As you know, if a person wants to get a spanking they think of it as a pleasurable experience.

After you spank her, then of course she can (and definitely should) give you a spanking too. In fact, I would make that a condition. By switching roles you can start on a relationship that is based on equality and not unrealistic gender specific roles.

Nice to hear from you.
- Jacqueline

Hi Jacqueline,
Thank you for responding to my e-mails, you are awesome!

I have been kind of working through my mixed feelings about spanking. Like I said before though, your articles, and even the content on the letters section helps to normalize my desires for consensual spanking. (If it helps to use any part of my letters in the letters section, that is o.k.) I have been seeing my therapist for probably a year and a half, she knew I liked getting spanked as foreplay. She didn't have any issues with it until lately when I started playing with my current friend. He is more experienced in the scene than any of the other men I have been with. We play with safe words, which I only used on the first time. He has bruised me a couple of times in play, but I am o.k. with it.

My therapist seems to view it as abuse because of the bruises. I informed her that the spankings were consensual and mutually enjoyable. I am seeing the bruises as being similar to the bruise from a hickey; I have fond recollections of our play when I see the bruises. I still enjoy spankings when I do not get bruises. I don't think it is too extreme. If he ever gets abusive or doesn't stop when I use a safeword I will dump his ass. What is your opinion about bruising from spanking play?

My current partner does know how to spank me, although the only past play I have had is with guys who don't have a clue. I have never been to a professional yet. I will work on my end to make that happen. It's almost a reverse psychology thing, I am going to learn to organize my life so that I can make a trip to California so that I could get spanked, go figure.

I am attaching a couple of photos. One of my rear view in panties, which I hope is appropriate due to the nature of our discussions. I found a 2002 article about your spanking sessions in some of my old literature. I remember seeing the photo of you when you have the glass for tears and I was actually afraid of you. The reality is you are really a caring person, but I am still aware of the fact that you can give wicked spankings.

Again I appreciate all of the assistance you have given me. I feel honored that you are even taking the time to dialog with me.
- Carol

Hi Carol,
I really enjoy dialoging with you. It seems like you have had some very intense experiences connected with spanking. My only concern is about keeping you safe. However I know from your past you have learned to screen play partners first and meet them in public places. I am sorry you had that one bad experience years ago. Most people would think it’s amazing that you still want to pursue spanking after that one horrific experience but I understand the spanking desire is that strong. I am keeping what you wrote to me confidential though it’s important for anybody reading this to know that on occasion meeting a stranger can result in something dangerous. People please screen, screen, and screen. Meet in a public place and let somebody else know where you are going.

You have a beautiful bottom that I will certainly enjoy spanking one day. You didn’t look that bruised; only well spanked.

Most therapists simply are not schooled about spanking. They mean well but they don’t understand the deep layers and complexities of this fetish. Some view it as abuse. Others view it as an addiction that needs to be treated like alcoholism. Neither is true. We need to accept what we like and incorporate it into our lives in a way that is comfortable and fits. The only times spanking can become dangerous is when we are compulsive and take chances. When it’s between two consenting adults who stick to spanking, it’s a fun, healthy, erotic outlet.

The bruises are fine as long as you want them. The buttock area is very resilient and can take a good amount of spanking. However, you never want to let the bruises go to deep or you can get edema (blood clotting). Some of like marks as a kind of souvenir. I think that’s where you’re.

I’m glad you found someone you enjoy playing with. I’m glad he treats you well and seems to know how to give a spanking. Thank you for your thoughtful emails and I look forward to meeting you one day.
- Jacqueline

Jacqueline,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to learn about spanking. The more I learn the more comfortable I get with my feelings. My ultimate goal is to become comfortable enough that I can approach my wife in some fashion and work spanking into our lives. The scariest aspect is that I’ve been married for 23 years and spanking is the only part of me that I have kept from her. Now I feel it’s necessary to let down all my barriers and defenses. My biggest fear is that my wife will be repulsed and reject my desires and feelings.

I related to the ‘subspace’ feeling and the article written by Vinnie on your website. When I’m spanked I go into another dimension that connects with some deep needs. It’s definitely about why I’m getting spanked and getting some absolution. It’s also about spanking being erotic and fun.

I really and truly feel something deep when I engage in spanking interaction. When I’m on top, I feel like I let someone really let go. When I bottom, I feel like I get lost in the experience. I also find spanking to be good stress relief. I compare it to the feelings that some people have described in getting a deep tissue massage.

As always thanks for listening.
- Robert

Robert,
Yes, it's frightening to share such a very confusing but very powerful part of your life and sexuality. Even to a partner whom you are close with. The fear of them not understanding or worse, rejecting can be overwhelmingly frightening. So much so that it feels safer to keep it inside. That's why so many of us do that.

I think your slow very methodical approach of gently broaching spanking with your partner is a good idea. Sadly, when something sexual is not a turn-on for your wife, or perhaps misunderstood, even a close partner may have the wrong reaction. Meanwhile I'm really glad that we have met each other and you are allowing yourself to enjoy spanking in a safe, controlled environment. By that I mean this is strictly between the two of us and we are interacting in an appropriate, professional way to help you explore something that is meaningful to you. The more you understand, the better your chances will be of getting your wife to understand and embrace spanking.
- Jacqueline

Dear Jacqueline,
I am a married male 54 and my vanilla wife is 50. She hates my fetish and flat out will not indulge in a real spanking. She tried once for our first wedding anniversary, but not since. She would rather start a huge fight with me about being a sicko and will not play.

She does claim that she does not want to lose me to another and she would call it cheating if I found some one in or out of cyberspace. I need my favorite past-time, a lady bent over letting me beat her ass for for punishment, sex or just for killing the time of day?

What is a guy to do with a real itchy palm that needs a bare and very warm naughty bottom under it to do?

Warmest Spanks,
Rex

Rex,
You are experiencing the very same dilemna of many readers on this website. You have a desire that others find disconcerting. In turn, you feel angry and unfulfilled.
I know you have a problem. You like spanking but your wife will not particpate and will also not allow you to find other partners. In reading between the lines, I take it you want to stay in your marriage and not venture out so I will give you some suggestions on how to get your needs met.

First of all, about your wife. Do you say things like ‘beat your ass?’. That phrase even to me, a spanking person, is off-putting. No one wants to have ‘their ass beat’. Most of us prefer the idea of being ‘spanked over the knee’. Spanked is more friendly than beat. Over the knee is sexier and more intimate than being ‘bent over’. Perhaps a friendlier, gentler approach to spanking will get your wife to re-engage.

The first step might be to have an open discussion with your wife and re-open the whole subject. She obviously knows you like spanking. When a woman who is committed to her man, knows that he loves something but then turns him down, suggests some deep-seated anger in the relationship or a real aversion to the concept of spanking in general. Which is it? What do you think? Did she have some abuse issues in the past? Was she physically harmed early in life? All these issues need to be factored in and discussed with her.

You guys are in a committed relationship and I never advocate going outside a marriage, especially when a wife is all ready involved with the spanking issue. But now you guys have a true conflict. You have a need to spank. She has a need for you to not engage with other women. This conflict has to be addressed because you both clearly have needs. The more your needs are denied, the angrier you both will be. This unresolved anger will end up surfacing at other times and other ways to the point that one of you will explode over nothing. It’s like a tiny flame that smolders endlessly. One day this flame will come in contact with a flammable object and out of nowhere it will explode into a lethal fire. Get my point? Stuffing feelings of anger never works. This is not healthy for you or your wife.

I suggest you guys re-open your talks. If necessary, hire a trained therapist to listen and help you sort this out. In the meantime, you will have to have solitary spanking activities such as reading spanking stories, watching spanking movies, etc. This is something that is not going outside of your marriage and is absolutely necessary since the spanking fetish does not go away. Spanking is something that you enjoy and is an inherent part of your sexuality.

I would be happy to answer your wife’s email, if that will help. I have been very successful in working with couples where one person is the born spanko and the other is ‘vanilla’.

Glad your emailed me, Rex. Now it’s time to start the dialogue with your wife.
- Jacqueline

Hello Jacqueline,
I’m so excited to see you. It’s about time. In less than 24 hours I will be over your knee. This will be our third visit. I still feel excitement/anticipation but in a different way. For example, I know that I’ll sleep well tonight. Now I am not saying the following to try and get out of feeling that dreaded pink paddle of yours. I want to say this now as I feel it in my heart. Thank you in advance for the wonderful evening I know we will have tomorrow and than you for all the wonderful previous times we have had spanking as well as talking.

What excites me personally about spankings is everything that you did in our last sessions. For me, hearing statements like, get over my knee; or you are in big trouble young lady; is exciting because it builds up to the moment of the actual spanking. I get butterflies in my stomach, because I know I was caught doing something naughty and I am going to receive my come-uppance. It’s thrilling to be in a vulnerable position and realize that you are not going to ease up until you felt that I was sorry. Every time I began squirming, you held me in place even firmer and continued to proceed. I couldn't do anything but take it. Especially exciting is hearing you lecture me before, through out the spanking, and afterwards. That is the nurturing part that I have always longed for. Trying to protect myself or get out of the spanking adds more excitement.

I hope to remain a long time client of yours. You have brought something into my life that was like a missing piece of a puzzle that I could never figure out for myself. I am so glad I found your website and read your articles. It was your sincerity that drew me in. I'm telling you Jacqueline, it is rare to find someone who really understands what people want, and is not in the business for the mere sexual exploitation of both men and women. You also put that sincerity into Pacific Force productions.

Can’t wait to see you.
- Rose

Dear Rose,
I’m looking forward to seeing you too. I’m so glad I can help you figure this out. Spanking has so many levels and it’s so complex. We all wonder how we got to be this way. I do too. Though all of us in the spanking community come from a diverse background I think we share some common threads. Spanking allows us to take care of some unfinished business or something that we didn’t get from our past.

I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight. I know you’ll be leaving with a glowing, well-spanked bottom. Our correspondence and relationship means a great deal to me. You are someone very special and I’m so glad we met.
- Jacqueline