Spanking Letters - Volume
Thirty-One |
Readers Note: These letters are all real. The actual identities, parts of stories and names are disguised. I post letters so that we can share with each other and not feel so alone in our passion for spanking. These letters can be helpful for you to learn from the experiences of others. Rest assured that your email to me is strictly confidential. If you DO NOT
want me to post a letter (even in disguise) please tell me. Your limits, boundaries
and discretion are always my first priority. I thank all of you in advance for
your thoughtful and insightful emails. Together we can learn from each other. Dear Jacqueline, I never really analyzed why I like spanking. I just do. When a woman is over my lap I enjoy the close up view. I find the panties that encase her bottom to be particularly arousing. My favorite kinds of panties are the ones that many refer to as ‘granny panties’. That means they completely cover the bottom. I prefer white cotton but I also sometimes like the silky variety. It’s very sexy to spank on the material and extremely arousing to feel but not see underneath. When I finally pull the panties down it’s almost like opening up a Christmas present. I get so excited it’s hard not to burst with pleasure. I am by nature a very gentle and caring person. Especially towards women. I’m the old fashioned kind of guy that sees females as ‘fragile flowers’. I’m chivalrous in that I open their doors, pull out their seats when dining, pay for everything and watch my language. I’m told that I’m a good spanker as well as a good lover. I am always in tuned with my partner’s needs and I really listen to what my partner wants sexually. I work hard to make sure she has an orgasm every time we have sex. If we are only doing spanking activity, I also make sure I spank her just the way she wants. So here’s my dilemma. When I fantasize spanking, I think about things that I disapprove of ‘in my right mind’. In other words, my spanking masturbatory fantasies are in direct conflict with the way that I behave in the world. I feel ashamed of the fact that imagining a woman getting spanked very, very hard, arouses me. It’s exciting to think of her as getting spanked way beyond her limits and the spanking is something that she does not want at all. It’s not consensual. It’s a real spanking. If there’s a look of pain on her face, then it’s all the better for me. I fantasize about the kind of girl I would actually never date. She’s uppidity, bitchy, snotty and self-centered. She’s also very pretty with perfectly shaped globes. She’s very pretty with a body to match. She’s the girl everyone loves to hate. Especially other woman. I imagine this spoiled brat getting spanked so hard that she’s reduced to real tears and sobs uncontrollably. I’m not proud of this fantasy at all. In real life I would never want to experience such an activity. It bothers me that my fantasy is so different than how I perceive myself. I hate the concept of non-consensual spanking. Yet I can’t help my masturbatory fantasies. I have tried to re-train my brain but nothing works. Help!
Dear Roger, I know that many readers will identify with your image of the ideal female ‘spankee’. She’s the proverbial good looking but snotty brat. She’s the kind of girl who gets your dick hard even though in reality you know she isn’t really nice or the kind of person you want to date. It’s the conflict of being attracted to someone who you actually don’t like. And, the bratty, haughty behavior justifies correction. Thus, the spanking fantasy is created. Your spanking thoughts are probably helpful on some level. They help you work out some deep-seated unexpressed feelings you may have about women. Perhaps a female schoolteacher hurt you when you were young. Maybe some female classmates made fun of you. Or, it may even have something to do with the relationship you had with your mom. Spanking fantasies are conjured up to calm and soothe. The unpleasant feelings are turned into arousing thoughts that calm and soothe. Having an orgasm releases pent up hostility so that you can then behave rationally in the world. You can be the good man you actually are. Think about whatever you like. Thoughts are harmless. It’s your behavior that ultimately defines you. Thanks for your concern and I’m glad you got that off your chest. -Jacqueline Dear Jacqueline, I must say it is a real turn on to be a part of the immense amount of pleasure she gets when she’s over my knee. I love her reactions when I smack her buttocks. She’s so hot that she actually gushes. My legs get wet every time! I can’t say she gets this wet when we have regular intercourse. I wish she did but I guess she’s built a little differently. From reading your articles I am now learning that there is a solid number of men and women who find spanking to be their major sexual turn on. That’s OK. As they say, ‘whatever floats your boat’. I’m just happy to see my wife has such a good time. And, the bonus for me is that after I spank her she seems to be so turned on that she gives me a blowjob that is out of this world. A few things: recently she told me that it bothers her that I’m not a ‘born spanko’. I’m the only person she has ever had the nerve to share her spanking secret with but she wonders what it would be like to talk to someone who is more ‘like-minded’. In particular, she wonders what it would be like to actually get spanked by someone who is as passionate about spanking as she. She also claims that I seem to hold back when I spank her. In other words, I don’t do it long enough or hard enough for her tastes. Personally I take issue with this. I feel like sometimes my arm is about to break off. She can’t get enough! How long does a spanking usually last? Also, would it be helpful or harmful for her to find a spanking playmate? She tells me that there are websites where spanking people can meet and hook up. To me, that is the same as if I went on a website looking for another married woman to have a sexual affair. They have those kinds of websites too. I don’t want to get together with anyone else and I don’t really want her to get involved with anyone else either. Yet, I know her need is strong and I am apparently not spanking her right. Please help. I know you are an expert at this.
Dear Derrick, First of all, you sound like a good guy. You have obviously made your wife confident enough to disclose a deep-seated sexual secret. Many people go to their graves without ever talking about their spanking needs with their mates. They might tell a professional or worse they might not tell anyone. The fact that she told you is testament to the fact that you guys are close and open with each other. You are also very cool in that you embraced her fetish to the point that you talked to her as well as did some of your own research on line. I really give you a ton of credit. Your wife is lucky and so are you. I know the lines of communication are open and that’s what makes for a lasting union. It’s time to talk more about spanking. Go on line with her and let her point out some pictures or stories that really turn her on. Ask her to describe her perfect spanking. How long would it last? What would she wear? When she’s spanked, what are some of her favorite spanking scenarios? Does she imagine herself at any particular age? Is she the one actually getting spanked or does she imagine someone else getting it? As far as severity, that’s an easy fix. Do a ‘practice spanking’. Give her a few whacks with your hand or whatever implement you use and have her rate them on a scale from one to ten. That way you’ll have a way to gage your own strength and how she experiences it. You can also spank her and let her tell you about when she’s had enough. Again, let her use some kind of rating system. My personal philosophy about severity is that a spanking should sting but always feel semi good. By that I mean the spankee should feel like she could take just a little more. Observe her body language. When the back is slightly arched and the bottom is upturned that is a nonverbal message for you to spank more. If she cringes or tries to get off your lap, she’s had enough. In the beginning words or gestures can be planned so that the scene is not interrupted. Does ‘ouch stop it’ mean I’ve had enough or does it mean I want more? Make up a phrase that really fills you in on when to stop, lighten up or continue the scene. See how your relationship progresses. Perfect the art of spanking with her. Sometimes spankos do find it exciting to be spanked by someone else. It’s not necessarily sexual; it’s more to do with the spanking fantasy. Perhaps a good compromise would be for her to one day be spanked by another female. This would not be threatening to you since if she’s a heterosexual woman you know it’s not about sex. It would also be a bonus since I’m sure you, like most men, dream of seeing two women together. I think having her get spanked by another woman would be a win/win situation. Meanwhile, continue to be patient and understanding. She really took a chance when she told you about her spanking desires. Be respectful and never ever tease her or disclose this fantasy to anyone else. All of us into spanking have very deep feelings of embarrassment and shame attached to this fetish. Even those of us who are seasoned players and pretty comfortable have issues about the fact that our sexuality strays far from the norm. Thanks for writing and I’m happy to stay in touch and help you in anyway that I can. - Jacqueline Dear Ms. Omerta, Spanking for me is not necessarily a sexual act or a turn on. But the longing... I am 52 years old, female. I went through a spell of self-mutilation, cutting myself like young girls do now. That comes from pain inside needing to come out. Physical pain is never as bad as mental anguish. Reading your web site has helped. I thank you for your compassion. It's wonderful that you have the courage to confront this thing that hides inside so many of us.
Dear Dalia, We who did not experience good parenting, always have more struggles and challenges as adults. We were never given the tools of how to take care of ourselves, problem solve and develop healthy relationships. Since it wasn’t modeled for us as kids, we don’t have the inborn skills. Instead we have to learn how to do these things as adults. It takes time, effort and patience. We need to distinguish negative belief systems that are inbred and get help to form new attitudes that serve us better. When we grow up in trauma (physical, emotional or sexual abusive situations) we do whatever it takes to survive. That’s the reason for cutting. The physical act of self-mutilation helps drown out the anguish that’s felt inside. It provides some distraction from a tormenting situation. I know that like you, many adults cut as well. Spanking as an adult with another loving caring adult is in fact very therapeutic. It helps one focus on the present and provides a powerful feeling of love and nurturing. And like you, many people do not experience spanking as a sexual turn on. That’s the reason many people who are otherwise heterosexual, prefer to be spanked by a same sex partner. I’m glad you found something to connect to on this website. You are not alone Dalia. I hope that you continue to question your past and discover the healthy adult that lies within. Dear Jacqueline, I have been going on various chat rooms and I met a man who I think I really like. We started chatting privately and he is very eager to get together. He seems very much like a gentleman and from his emails I can tell he is a caring person. He also says that he is fairly well off having made some good investments when he was younger. Like me, he is divorced and new at spanking. To date, we have never talked on the phone. He claims to like chat better and I do too. We are now discussing the possibility of getting together. Here’s the thing – he lives in Wyoming and I live in North Carolina. He wants me to come visit him as he says he has a nice private house we can ‘play in’. He also said he’s familiar with his area and wants to show me a good time. I have collected some frequent flyer miles, so travel is not a problem. Do you think I should go visit him? When we chat I get so excited that I want to jump on a plane instantly but later on I think this is crazy. What do you think?
Dear Barbara, That being said – there are a few red flags about this man. While I like emailing and online chats, personal phone conversations are also necessary when we want to really know someone. You’d be amazed at how different people present themselves when writing than how they actually are in real life. A few phone conversations are absolutely necessary before you decide to meet up in person. You really don’t know this man at all. In fact, you don’t even know if he is a man since you never heard his voice. The idea that he’s wealthy from investments is another red flag. It tells you nothing about him. Does he work? What kind of job? Can you call him at work? Many assume that if they meet on a spanking chat site the people are checked out. Please don’t be fooled. Anyone can get on these sites as long as they have a credit card that’s valid. People are not screened as far as their character or genuine interest in spanking. How could they be since the fees are so nominal? If you went to a very expensive match making service that is a different story. The reason they are expensive is that the people are really interviewed. This is not the case for spanking chat rooms so please don’t trust under false illusion. Last but not least, why in the world are you traveling to him? A real gentleman picks up a woman at her home and takes her out on a proper date. The fact that he asks you to fly miles to see him is very unsettling to me. He may have good intentions but he may not. You will be at his mercy in a strange environment. Who knows what his house is like? Are you really considering going to his home to play? You could be risking your life. I know the urge for spanking is strong but please check your self-esteem. You are not thinking rationally or clearly. You are not thinking like a woman who cares about herself or her son. Step back and rethink this. If you guys do decide to meet up follow my ground rules. Meet in a safe environment like a public restaurant. Tell a friend where you are going and check in with her after you meet up. You can just say you met the guy on an online dating service, leave out the spanking part. Try and refrain from doing spanking on the first date. I know it’s tempting but in the long run you’ll feel better and safer. Safety and trust are key in being able to relax and enjoy a spanking. It’s wonderful that the internet validates our spanking fetish. But don’t get carried away or put yourself in a dangerous position. Spanking is something we want to enjoy with a loving partner or safe playmate. Don’t turn a life long passion into a life long regret. Let me know what you decide. Jacqueline, I've viewed countless spanking websites. I must say that your website puts those others to shame. Your website presents spanking in a very classy, tasteful way. From the photos, to the articles, to the videos, it's safe to say that your website is the "whole package". I can't seem to get enough. I'm going to purchase a couple of your videos in the very near future. It's just a matter of trying to figure out which ones I want! I normally don't like to read, but I can honestly say that I have gone through and read every letter/article that is posted on your website. I guess there's an exception to every rule. It's taken me about 4 days to read all of them. If I didn't have a full time job, I'm certain that I would've gone through all of the letters in about a day. Many people like to read for pleasure, but I don't (with the exception of your spanking letters!).
Dear Lena, It’s also the reason we produced ‘The Spanking Symposium’ DVD. Most people are interested in hearing others share about their interest in spanking, how they came out of the closet and how they incorporate spanking into their lives. We also like to produce DVDs showing real couples in action. I am currently looking for participants for both of these series. I think it’s helpful to get genuine spanking enthusiasts on camera as long as it will not jeopardize their lifestyle in any way. Lena, I’m glad you found comfort in reading Natalie’s letter. Natalie expressed a desire to be spanked by another female even though she is a heterosexual female. She feels more comfortable doing spanking with another woman in a non-sexual manner. Like you, she’s having trouble finding ladies who are like-minded. Unfortunately many people don’t respect boundaries. This happens both in and out of the spanking community That’s why I urged Barbara to be cautious of those she meets online. Communication and developing a trusting type of relationship is always fundamental if you want things go your way. Don’t rush into anything before it feels right. I’m glad you contacted me about the possibility of getting together. I genuinely enjoy spanking other women. I agree that F/f spanking is very nurturing. Though spanking is a charged activity, it is something that can be completely non-sexual. Spanking is ultimately something different and unique to each one of us. Your letter made my day. I’m thrilled that I am providing a place where people can relate to each other. Spanking used to be such a closed topic. It’s about time we have a forum in which to express ourselves.
Kirk and his wife are a reminder of what I've read in your articles/letters where you mention that for spanking enthusiasts, it's far more important to first find someone you are compatible with and then introduce them to spanking later (if their partner happens to be a non-spanking partner). Then, I got a good chuckle as Pamela and Sasha were discussing the African-American men and the Mexican men, respectively. It was amusing to hear Pamela talk about how the African-American men don't ask if they could spank, they just do it. Sasha said the same was true about Mexican men. I also find the whole subspace issue fascinating; I read Vinnie's article on subspace and I found it to be quite intriguing. The fact that Sasha can be taken into subspace by you is incredible. I also felt that Pamela's view on switching was especially interesting when she mentioned that even if she's the bottom, she is still control. It was also nice to hear each individual's view on role-playing and how pleasurable it could be.
Dear Lena, Good Morning Jacqueline, I had a fabulous time laughing and being mischievous during our role-plays. My favorite parts: stuffing my pants with tissue, writing notes on the board, and hiding your paddles. You were great in the way you responded to my mischief. I'm still laughing about how you made me wash my mouth out with that yucky mouthwash. Thank you so much. I always like to see if my bottom is still red the next day, which it is....and I believe I will be thinking of you all day as I am driving home. - Rose
Rose, I’m so glad we met. You are very special to me. - Jacqueline Thank you all for your letters. I enjoy hearing from you. Remember this is a community. Sharing with others helps educate and leads to self-understanding about our unique interest in adult spanking. Feel free to reference and refer to any letter posted.
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