Spanking Letters - Volume
Thirty-Three |
Readers Note: These letters are all real. The actual identities, parts of stories and names are disguised. I post letters so that we can share with each other and not feel so alone in our passion for spanking. These letters can be helpful for you to learn from the experiences of others. Rest assured that your email to me is strictly confidential. If you DO NOT
want me to post a letter (even in disguise) please tell me. Your limits, boundaries
and discretion are always my first priority. I thank all of you in advance for
your thoughtful and insightful emails. Together we can learn from each other. Dear Jacqueline, The first thing I discovered about getting a partner to like spanking is that I needed to act confidently. I understand in retrospect that I made a mistake with my ex when one day I ‘confessed’ my spanking desires to my ex. I really fumbled. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that that it marred my presentation. I came off as sounding self-denigrating and apologetic. No wonder she was turned off. Today I feel OK about my sexuality. Thanks to websites like yours, I know that I’m not alone. This gives me the courage to act positively on my desires. Spanking does not define who I am. It does not make me a pervert or make me a bad person. It is simply one strong component of my sexuality. In addition to my enjoyment of spanking, I love the female derriere. It really turns me on to look at and play with all kinds of bottoms. In truth, I like variety so I don’t have a fixed idea of what my lady’s behind needs to look like. I think I just love all female bottoms! In addition to spanking, love to touch, massage and gently pinch my partner’s butt. I spend a great deal of time there while making love. I really do a good job of pleasing so I have never had a woman complain that my hands rove down that direction. Though I would probably be happy staying almost solely on the bottom, I am not selfish. I spend equal amounts of time on other erogenous areas so that my partner is completely satisfied. Butt massage is my real trick. Doing this generally always gets me ‘in’ to be able to spank. Ladies always enjoy a good rub down. I’ve read up and learned a few good massage strokes and have become pretty skilled. I don’t skimp on time. I really make sure she’s loose and relaxed before worked my way downward. Once there, I really get involved in massaging the globes. The response is always amazing. Women love this and of course so do I. Just imagine the picture. A naked woman is lying on her tummy and her beautiful behind is upturned. It’s a mouthwatering sight! I don’t recommend spanking on the first try. I find it’s more successful to do the butt massage a few times before attempting bottom spanks. When I finally do give a few smacks they produce a nice sound but they only sting a little. When someone is turned on you can go a little harder. And that’s the key. I make sure my partner is aroused before I administer a spank. Incredibly enough, once she’s turned on, she generally moans and I spank harder. The sex can get very hot. This kind of spanking foreplay is frankly good enough for me. Sure it would be nice to hook up with a woman who loved spanking as much as I do. However, I also believe that it’s more important to find a true soul mate. Spanking is only one part of my life and I think I have found a good compromise. I don’t need to do a whole, prolonged spanking on someone who isn’t really that into it. It’s truly enough for me to see, touch and smack the bottom. I think that’s pretty darn good. This is an attainable goal for anyone. Now that I am in a more long-term relationship, I did decide to take it further. My lady is very into pleasing and wants to know my sexual desires. I told her about my spanking fetish with a positive voice. I emphasized that it’s normal, safe and fun. I showed her some of my favorite magazines and let her watch a few of the ‘milder’ spanking DVDs. I even took her online to emphasize the fact that there are many, many people like me. She was happy to do her research because she wants to be my life partner. She’s smart enough to know that if she has this knowledge there’s a good chance we’ll stay together forever. Spanking doesn’t have to be this deep, dark shameful secret. Spanking is all about a nice, pretty pink behind. I am happy to be a born ‘spanko’ and I think that spanking is something that can be enjoyed in almost any relationship. You just have to introduce it right. Thank you for letting me share, Jacqueline. And thank you for providing this wonderful informative outlet for the spanking community.
Dear Patrick, I agree that spanking is something that can easily be incorporated into a relationship if done correctly. Confidence about spanking is truly the key. It’s all how you make the approach. When presented as something that is fun and sexy most women will be game to give it a try. Women are incredibly malleable when it comes to pleasing their men. You’re right that it’s unrealistic to imagine that a non-spanking partner will play on the same level as a fellow spanking enthusiast. However, it’s not truly necessary. I like that you are content working with the ingredients you have at your disposal. You have a sure fire way to get your partner comfortable with lots of attention to her bottom. Massage is wonderful idea. Done correctly, it’s a powerful aphrodisiac. Every woman loves to be touched and receive some kind of sexy foreplay. Butt massage is incredibly erotic for her. And you get to see, touch and play with her exposed behind. That’s a good deal in and of itself. As a relationship progresses it is possible to step up the play. With time, persistence and confidence you can get a non-spanking partner to lie over your lap and take a sensual spanking. I know of one gent who puts on music and taps out the rhythm on his lady’s bare bottom. When someone is turned on, the brain perceives pain as pleasure. The more turned on she is, the firmer you can spank. Ultimately it’s really not about spanking hard but providing an enjoyable experience for both of you. Spanking is about coloring a bottom a bright shade of pink. Spanking is not about bruising, welting or the color purple. Personally, I find those kinds of markings off putting. Why turn something that is beautiful into something that looks damaged? The other smart thing you do is normalize the idea of spanking. We are lucky that we can go online and find other like-minded people. Women are apt to feel more comfortable about getting involved in spanking if they see that it’s a common practice amongst many. Spanking then doesn’t seem so off-putting or weird. When taking a newcomer online make sure you take them to the sites that portray spanking in a positive light. Hi Jacqueline,
Dear Lena, I think your attitude is reflective of the times. I believe that more and more women want to experience both the top and bottom parts of their personalities. Likewise, many men too are realizing that it’s OK to explore both roles too. I think this is a more progressive healthy attitude about the scene. I’m glad that you are open to doing both roles. Your letters really convey a great deal of thoughtfulness about the meaning of spanking. I know at this point you are only contemplating participation. Watching DVDs provides validation that you are not alone. It will also give you a gauge as to what adult spanking is all about once you do decide to participate. I’m glad you enjoyed and yes more good spanking fun is on the way! Dear Jacqueline, The second thing I noticed was that, my life has become so much more meaningful to me. There is not a day that goes by where I am not fantasizing about being spanked, where as before the thought mainly occurred when I would masturbate or when my husband had sex with me. Other than that there were subtle things that triggered the thought, such as a story, memory, or hearing the word, spanking. Third, the fantasy of spankings sometimes makes me question my ability to keep it separate from everyday life experiences, but I often find myself relating most things I do to spankings. Has it become an obsession with me? At times I think so, but the obsession to think about it excessively has not caused any compulsive behavior, other than reading stories about spankings when I am supposed to be doing something else…. like studying : ) Finally, receiving spankings has made me aware of what I want and what I will do to get it. I am beginning to become curious about meeting other people who are willing to spank me, and what I have learned is that I am like a little kitten, full of curiosity, just waiting to pounce on the next lap to play with someone. What advice do you have for beginners who are naïve about all the implications of the spanking community, but are eager to jump across someone’s lap?
Dear Rose, You are now allowing yourself to enjoy something that has been festering inside for so long. Spanking is an activity that many of us think will be our life long secret. It remains a fantasy until one day we explode and just know that we have to have the experience once and for all. A first spanking generally provides bliss and a feeling of relief. The gnawing feeling of guilt gets washed away. It’s extremely healing to experience spanking with a like-minded spanking playmate. Finally we know that we aren’t alone in our fantasies. Are you being obsessive-compulsive in your thoughts? I don’t think so. It’s OK and pleasurable to allow yourself to think and fantasize about spanking. It’s like taking a mini-vacation or having a hobby that provides an outlet from work. Fantasizing about spanking provides a break. I don’t think it is excessive unless the fetish gets disordered or out of control. If you were isolating on the computer, spending all your free time pursuing spanking activities or endlessly watching spanking DVDS, then we’d have a problem. As long as spanking is kept in proportion to other life activities then I think it’s healthy to indulge your fantasies. But Rose, you are not off the hook. This letter has just earned you a sound spanking for reading spanking stories when you are supposed to be studying. Now the whole world will know what’s going to happen next time we meet! With that said, I want to address your other thought about wanting to reach out to other spankers. You are a female who loves to be spanked. So many people long for someone just like you in their life. While it’s great to meet like-minded people you owe it to yourself to be responsible when meeting others. This need can indeed take on a compulsive quality if you indulge your id. You read spanking stories, watch spanking DVDs and get turned on. It’s easy to get into that frisky kitten like state and jump over the next available lap. Easy isn’t often good or safe. You do need to be very careful. A good rule of thumb is to not meet someone on a whim even if you want to at the moment. The spanking community is mainly composed of good, responsible, thoughtful players. If you hook up with a good, responsible spanker they will not support that frisky behavior. It’s important for two people to get to know each other well before meeting. Email is an excellent way to correspond. Ask questions of the other person and be frank about your own desires and needs. Just because two people happen to like spanking it doesn’t mean they are on the same page about spanking. Ask about the person’s experience with spanking, how hard they like to spank, with what implements and positions. Find out if they like disciplinary or playful type spankings. Get to know them and find out a little bit about who they are as a person. I recommend that women who are seeking male partners seek out male switch hitters if they can. By a switch hitter I mean a guy who likes to spank but also enjoys getting spanked. Those of us who play both roles are more sensitive when we administer a spanking. We know what it feels like and we have a deeper understanding and compassion for our spankee. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking the guy isn’t manly if he submits to a spanking. Switches are more versatile players. Switching also fosters more equality if your spanking playmate turns into a longer-term relationship. When you set-up a date use the same common sense you’d take for any first date with a stranger. Meet up in a public place. Let a friend or relative know where you are going. You can always tell this ‘vanilla’ friend that you are going on a blind date. Spanking doesn’t need to be mentioned. When you meet this new person, have an understanding that you may or may not play. You need to have an ‘opt out’ clause to the meeting. Optimally I would recommend keeping the first meeting to strictly coffee but I know that is often unrealistic especially when it comes to spanking. But be cautious. I will be addressing this topic in a future article but I hope that answers your questions for now. Thanks again for your excellent thought provoking email. Dear Jacqueline, I have practiced as a top with several girlfriends and experienced mixed results. As much as I try to hide my fetish to the people I date, spanking is very much a part of my being and who I am. I recently joined with a local spanking network that meets every few weeks for dinners and parties and I have a feeling this is going to help satisfy this longing that I feel. I would say that I'm a switch; the dynamic adds more flexibility with partners and allows me to experience both sides of what I love. It’s kind of like having your cake and eating it too. This is my issue. I have had several conversation in chat rooms on line. It seems that the consensus is that men who switch is off-putting for many. for. I'm not sure how much experience you have had with this, but I seek your advice and consul. Thank you for listening.
Hi Ray, Many people in the spanking community seem to be the bi-products of sex role socialization. Men are supposed to be strong and in control. Women are supposed to be fragile and unguarded. These beliefs are clearly old-fashioned and dated. Today’s man knows he has a feminine side while today’s woman is in touch with her stronger, masculine persona. In other words we all possess the qualities that used to be associated with male or female traits. I know about the consensus that goes on in chat rooms and at the parties. It’s not ‘cool’ for a guy to get spanked. Many women frequently tell me that they don’t want to see their male spanking partners over some one’s lap. They say it would take away the ‘daddy’ persona. Men also seem to be condescending towards other men who allow themselves to get spanked. These are antiquated, rigid beliefs that need to be altered. We are all involved with a fetish that makes us feel different from our fellow man. We all have preferences and relate to spanking in our own personal way. How selfish of women to deny their partners the pleasure of letting go and getting a spanking. How insensitive for one man to judge another. I’m with you, Ray. These ideas are absurd considering the circumstance. I am doing everything I can to change attitudes and belief systems. Top, bottom, switch. It’s a matter of preference and enjoyment. I’m not telling anyone that they must always switch. Clearly some people truly have a penchant for one role or another. I’m merely asking that all of us accept one another. If you enjoy getting spanked, why deny a partner of the same pleasure? If you enjoy giving a spanking, don’t you think you owe it to yourself to be the best spanker you can be? The only way you can be an outstanding player is to be sensitive and experience both roles. I’m so grateful for your email. I’m also happy to be a loud voice in the spanking community. I really care. Hi Jacqueline, My ex never knew that I wanted to be spanked by a female. He knew that I was interested in spanking but we didn't talk about it much. My ex husband was very insecure. If he would have known about my spanking fantasies he would've gone ballistic. He would have never understood that F/f spanking does not have to lead to sex. Where most guys wouldn't mind seeing their wife or girlfriend with another female, he was the exception to the rule. He was very jealous and very controlling; I felt like a prisoner. After my ex and I parted ways, spanking was the last thing on my mind. I was overflowing with a mix of resentment, sorrow, and regret. Needless to say, things are very different now and my spanking urges have resurfaced especially since I've come across your website. I never realized that adult spanking was so complex and multifaceted. I would never want my spanking fetish to go away. Even if I tried, I realize there is as much chance of that happening as there is of trying to turn a gay person straight. I love the fact that there is just something about spanking that stimulates me to this extreme. I will always blush when I hear the word "spank" spoken out loud. Some people attain sexual fulfillment through spanking and others through intercourse, sometimes both. I won't even attempt to try and understand why some people feel that one is more dignified than the other. I know that many people out there view adult spanking as a dark, twisted, and perverted thing. That being said, I'm guessing that many people go for a lifetime without ever acknowledging their hidden desires. In truth, I am very lucky!
Dear Kara, The spanking urge does re-surface after the break up of a long-term relationship such as marriage. The grief feelings get us in touch with some deep buried needs. We finally feel the time is right to allow ourselves to explore our own sexuality. Many people get their first spanking soon after a divorce. You’re so right about the spanking fetish never going away. It’s here to stay so we all need to accept and embrace something that is actually ours to enjoy. Spanking is incredibly powerful and laden with all kinds of emotions. The good news is that it is an opportunity to connect with other like-minded people. The internet provides many opportunities and ways to indulge the fetish. Spanking is something that we relate to on different levels. For some of us reading stories and watching DVDs is enough. We don’t need to engage in a real interaction in order to feel satisfied. However sometimes the urge becomes great and curiosity gets the best of us. That’s when we reach out and want to have the experience. You’re right to be wary of chat rooms and strangers. You have never gotten a spanking and it’s important to be introduced properly. When and if you do take ‘the plunge’ I hope it will be with someone who is experienced, caring and has the ability to listen. A first spanking can ‘make or break’ the experience. You seem like a genuine, thoughtful woman. I’m really glad that you discovered Pacific Force. I’m happy to help in any way I can. Good Morning Jacqueline, I hope you have a relaxing day, because I know you expended a lot of energy last night. Thank you again.
Dear Rose, Hi Jacqueline,
Dear Lena, Gee, you are naughty though for speeding. Too bad you didn’t get a spanking for that one!! Maybe one of these days… Dear Jacqueline, Here is my problem; she has a spankable butt that anyone would love to spank. She is very naughty too. It’s her mouth, and attitudes that drive me up the wall. She gets in these attitudes with me. She yells at me even while getting spanked. What can I do when her mouth and attitudes get her in trouble? I feel like her father in every way and want to know how to handle my bad girl.
Dear Steven, Why not use spanking as something fun and sexy? If you are not happy with the way you are inter-acting with each other, then you guys need to seek counseling. This relationship is not healthy. I am being straight up with you and tell you this because I care about the spanking lifestyle and I want to see it performed in a healthy way. Also, you seem to be extremely frustrated. Spanking does not work for kids. Why in the world would you think it could work for your wife? Dear Jacqueline, As you no doubt are fully aware, there are many out there that would take advantage of people with fetishes or other propensities and what I saw in your letters was real concern. I think you have a good heart and wanted to tell you that. If you wish to print any of this you are more than welcome to but I do ask that you do not identify my e-mail address or my username. Thanks and may God bless you.
B, Dear Jacqueline, To be blunt, I am deeply disturbed by most fetish material I come across on the Internet. The spanking search word usually takes me on a bizarre journey through archives of seeming torture and misery spiced up with nudity and pornographic posing. If not that, what am I looking for? Well I think your articles sum it up very well. There is something missing in my life... spanking fun. But beyond that I need to experience a real sense of trust, connection and love, and to be emotionally authentic within the context of a spanking relationship. Jacqueline, I don't have any friends from within the spanking 'community'. You live a long way from me but never-the-less I reach out to you as a person who speaks a language that I can relate to and expresses concerns that I share. Keep up the loving and I hope one day to find my own love in the spanking community.
Paul, The internet provides a great deal. I’m glad it connected you to me. I think reading these letters will get you off to a good start. I’m glad you emailed and I wish you a great deal of success on your journey. Thank you all for your letters. I enjoy hearing from you. Remember this is a community. Sharing with others helps educate and leads to self-understanding about our unique interest in adult spanking. Feel free to reference and refer to any letter posted.
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