Readers, the following letter
is very interesting because it is from a couple. Both of them gave their points
of view. I will answer them but I'd like to get your input too. How about sharing
some of your own experiences. This letter raises many charged issues for us
From the wife:
Hi. My husband and I have some questions for you. I am 23 and my husband is 26. He has been into spanking for a long time now. And well I don't really enjoy it like he does. Sure I like it when I am riding him and he GENTLY swats my butt but quite frankly I don't think I could ever enjoy hard spankings. For starters I am into s/m. I like bondage - you know with my hands and feet tied up and being gagged and blind folded and I even enjoy having hot candle wax being poured over my body. But the spanking stuff I have often called my husband "sick" for liking. It has even caused severe arguments between us.
For myself, I feel like I am a small child again when my husband spanks me and I don't like that feeling. So how can I over come that feeling? I want to satisfy my husband in his desires but maybe I need some help over coming the fear and frustration that I am having with this issue. Maybe one of the factors in me not liking spankings is I don't have a good tolerance for pain. And a fear factor for me is well what if I had to be rushed to the ER and the doctor seen all the bruises and welts on my behind? Not that he leaves any. I mean how would I explain THAT? When he spanks me I get really mad at him if I think he is spanking too hard and I get up and well that is not satisfying to him. Miss Jacqueline, I want to be able to take hard spankings because that is what my husband likes.
If you could please get back with me and give me some advice I would really appreciate it. Now below my husband wants to say a thing or two to you.
From the husband:
I am very happy that she tries to satisfy me in this. I have been in to spanking since age 14 & on both ends of the the paddle because I believe you don't dish out what you can't take yourself. One of my first spanking experiences happened in Chicago where I was spanked in front of about 1500 people in a club.
I had an endorphin high for 2 days straight. I just wish I could get my wife to feel that one time. But on to us, me and my wife follow the rules of safe sane play and we agree on our scenes in advance. We don't use drugs and we rarely drink. I would take her to a club but the hardcore scene might scare her and she a little insecure about me still and I would hate to have an incident with her in a place like that. She might attack some body if they touch me some places though I wouldn't let anyone touch me without her consent.
My wife looks perfect - 5',1" curly long brown hair & and a nice round pert little butt. I don't know how to get it through to her that I am not a sick freak...it's there. I like it and she & likes it too but she wants to be able to take a hard spanking. I'm not sure that she can, or if it is even necessary.
I can't kill my own drive for this type of activity in one form or another. I have a strong desire for this type of activity. We just need advice from a professional like yourself. You have the degree and more experience than me, so please be kind and enlighten us both. On a more playful note, to the girls in the office nice work and ha-ha you got spanked but thanks for being bad! Have a nice day.
- Mary and Wayne
Thanks for writing. I'm glad you got in touch with me. Sounds like you have quite a loaded issue. Something I discovered years ago - there's a big distinction between those who like S/M and those who like spanking. There's a difference in taste and even societal standards. Whereas bondage and fetish has now become more mainstream. Spanking is still considered pretty taboo. Like you said Mary, it brings many back to childhood memories. I'm assuming these were not pleasant and you are uncomfortable. Sounds like there are some unresolved feelings about something.
For those of us who like spanking, we really love it. I guess I'm one of those. I've been into it ever since I can remember. I don't know why I like it - I just do. I've learned to embrace it on many levels and have helped many, many others to do the same. It's not sick, violent but rather nurturing and comforting. When I spank someone, I do it out of care and love.
In your couple situation, both of you need to be satisfied. The good news is - you guys can work it out. Trust me, there's so much more to marriage than sex. It's about trust, commitment, and going in the same direction in life. You can work out this difference to both your advantages, stay together, and have fun.
Mary, either you like to be spanked or you don't. You can learn to like it a little more but don't beat yourself up by thinking you totally have to get into it. Please don't measure yourself against anyone else. People who are turned on by spanking can naturally take it harder because they are very turned on.If you aren't being aroused, you are feeling each spank as a spank. Ouch! That could potentially hurt!
Since Wayne likes to play on both ends, you should take the opportunity to spank Wayne. That way you inflict the pain rather than worry about receiving it. Also you'll understand more about spanking by doing and participating. You'll see that spankings can be administered on all different levels. Even implements like the hairbrush can be used to tease and titillate rather than punish.
Likewise, Wayne should also learn how to do the S/M play that satisfies you. If he's unsure about bondage, teach him and demonstrate what you like. You might even want to do it to him so he understands what it feels like.
Wayne, sounds like you have a great wife in Mary. She obviously loves you and wants to please. You can make this easier for her by gaining her trust when it comes to spanking play. I bet she'd like more erotic type spankings. These can still be over the knee. Alternate spanks with rubbing, massaging and caressing. Also, encourage her to spank you. Finally, become an expert at the S/M bondage that she loves. You'll enjoy doing this knowing it gives her pleasure.
If you guys are near the Los Angeles area, you should make a point of seeing me. I work with couples in helping them reach a satisfying balance with their fetish and incorporating it in a healthy way.
Thanks for writing.
I am feeling very confused. I am a 32 year old single woman who recently got into the spanking scene. I thought about spanking all my life but only came out of the closet 6 months ago. Through the internet and a mutual friend, I found a very nice gentleman who has became my boyfriend. We date and play spanking games.
I enjoy the games but I just found out I don't like spanking when it gets too real. You see, I have a bit of an eating disorder. I am constantly watching my weight though everyone says I am in great shape. I go to the gym 5 times a week but I am afraid of over-eating. To that end, I sometimes take over-the-counter diet pills. I don't do it all the time but I feel they curb my appetite. I visit the doctor once a year and I always get a clean bill of health.
My boyfriend recently found out about my use of diet pills. He didn't approve, it 'ordered' me to stop. At my age, I take offense to anyone ordering me to do anything. I didn't really want to get into an argument so I placated him and told him I'd stop. Naturally I didn't.
About a week later, we were in a restaurant. When we got up to leave, I accidentally dropped my purse and the contents spilled to the floor. You guessed it - he saw my package of diet pills. He was very angry and didn't say a word to me all the way home.
When we got back to my place, he told me to bend over my couch. He undid his belt, pulled up my dress pulled, pulled down my hose and panties and told me to arch my back. He then administered a strapping. It's not that he strapped hard but I just wasn't in the mood so it kind of hurt. Plus, I felt totally humiliated by being punished in such a callous way.
When we've played before, I can take a good spanking because I'm in the mood. We like to role play all kinds of scenarios. Usually I dress for the occasion. My favorite scenarios are school girl scenes. I enjoy dressing up in cute little plaid skirts, knee hi socks and full back cotton panties. We make believe that I am a naughty school girl and I get punished the principal. I love role playing and other make believe punishment type scenarios. I never feel embarrassed because I step inside another character.
When my boyfriend strapped and punished me out of anger, I felt really horrible. Instead of feeling sorry, I felt angry. In fact, I was tempted to slug my boyfriend. I didn't get into the scene at all. I didn't feel sexy. I felt furious. Most of the time our role plays lead to sex. This time, I broke down, cried and sent him home. I haven't seen him since. I don't think I want to see him again.
One thing I do know. It hasn't made me change my ways. If he thought that would happen, it really didn't.
I'm new in the scene and maybe I just don't understand. Did my boyfriend act out of line or is his behavior indicative and acceptable within the spanking community? If so, maybe I just don't belong in the scene or maybe this guy isn't right for me. What do you think, Jacqueline?
The spanking scene is something different for everybody. In terms of relationships, many couples do play for real. Guidelines are set and when someone breaks the rules, they are punished. Some couples are switches. That means both parties are subject to spankings. In other cases, only the female or the male gets spanked. The spankings are real and punishing.
The majority of spanking couples and play partners, prefer fun role playing situations such as you previously experienced with your boyfriend. The spankings are given for made up or non-threatening issues. The spanking is generally followed by sex or cuddling. People can do these role plays both within an intimate or even a friendly relationship. This is the way couples play when they get together with other spanking couples.
Personally, I feel adult spanking activity is meant for mutual fun and enjoyment. It is a sexually oriented activity whether it leads to actual intercourse or not. Adult spanking is erotic, titillating and should never be mixed up in real life charged situations. It's not the way to settle anything that's serious.
Some people maintain spanking is a form of behavior modification. I've seen it work with people who want to make changes such as quitting smoking or losing weight. The reason it worked in those cases is because the individual is already motivated. Certainly, it is not a 'norm' in the scene. Most people don't play or interact on this basis. Spanking is fun, sexy and something everyone should be enjoying.
I'm sure your boyfriend had good intentions but clearly he was out of line. At this early stage in your relationship, your habits are not really his business. He sounds like he's new in the spanking scene and a little 'over-zealous' in his role. If you get along on other levels, you might consider giving him another chance. However you must talk and communicate a great deal. I also suggest you establish a safety word to use from now on whenever you are doing a spanking scene. If the spanking is physically or emotionally getting out of line, say 'red light for him to stop immediately; if he's spanking a little too hard say 'yellow light' for him to lighten up.
Please don't get turned off to the spanking scene because of this incident. It is NOT that way. It is a fun, sweet, nurturing activity between two consenting adults. That's why, like you, I love role play. It's non-threatening and fun. It doesn't infringe on real life. It takes you out of yourself and into a situation that makes your juices flow.
Glad you wrote and if he's the right guy, I'd be happy to counsel you both. If not, there are plenty of really good guys in the spanking scene who would love to turn you over their knee in a safe, caring way.
I enjoyed immensely your DVD - 'Spanked On Front Of The Class'. Excellent action! You were at your best and you did some real and intense spanking, the way only you do (but why didn't you strip them completely naked as well - that would've make this video one of the very best I have). I especially liked the second and the third girls. They seem to be truly devoted spankees. I hope to see them more. And how did you manage to get a real class for your film? The school's managers knew about it? And who were those students sitting in the back? Please - more spanking in front of a public videos! I enjoy them most.
As far as stripping girls totally naked in class, we felt that would not be appropriate. We wanted to replicate real school spankings. I doubt that any teacher would actually strip a girl naked in front of a real class.
'Spanked In Front Of The Class' is indeed a real portrayal of girls getting spanking in front of a class in a real schoolroom with real college students witnessing the action. How did we do this? We have our ways....Glad you enjoyed!
"Disciplined Down On The Farm" is the first Pacific Force video I, in over 30 years in the scene, became acquainted with. It is--how do they say in old England - "smashing"!
In particular, I liked the 'grande finale' group spanking. I hope to see something similar from you in the future. But it will not be easy to improve on anything you did down on that farm.
Dear Jacqueline and Pacific Force,
I have a GREAT idea for a spanking video.
A wife returns home from a night of drinking and partying with her friends. Her husband and his good buddy are drinking and playing cards. They invite her and her friends to play a few games with them. To make it interesting they make up some new rules for the ladies. The loser of the card game gets SPANKED! Being drunk and intoxicated the gals happily join in. The guys cheat of course, changing the rules so the girls lose every round. They say,"Sorry...you lost...you know the rules!!" They make them change into a small thong bikinis, emphasizing their jiggling buns.
Each girl takes a hard OTK spanking from the guys who amuse themselves with her jiggling butt and painful expressions. Then they play a second card game in bikinis Once again they lose and are forced to take another hard spanking, this standing against a wall. The guys laugh while they punish the ladies.
I LOVE the Spanked in Front of the Class video, that must have so humiliating!! I have never seen anything like it!! Is their going to be a sequel??
Always happy to accept ideas though we don't like to take advantage of drunk girls, do we Tom???
Yes, we hope to make a sequel to 'Spanked In Front Of The Class'.