Spanking Letters - Volume Thirty-Four
Readers Note: These letters are all real. The actual identities, parts of stories and names are disguised. I post letters so that we can share with each other and not feel so alone in our passion for spanking. These letters can be helpful for you to learn from the experiences of others.
Rest assured that your email to me is strictly confidential. If you DO NOT
want me to post a letter (even in disguise) please tell me. Your limits, boundaries
and discretion are always my first priority. I thank all of you in advance for
your thoughtful and insightful emails. Together we can learn from each other.
What I have learned during my last session with you is that crying comes when your mind connects with all the variables in play. For me it was the duration of the spanking, the implements, the verbiage, and how the spanking related to me on an emotional level; and most importantly, not fighting the feeling.
I don't think I experienced any sub-space, but I know the release of tears gave me a tremendous relief, and I have been extremely happy as a result. Thank you for giving me my first crying experience. I did notice that you stopped spanking me shortly after I started crying, probably because it was the first time you heard me cry.
My question is, if I pretend to cry from now on, will you end my spanking sooner???
The tears finally came the last time we got together. In a way, I wasn't surprised. If you recall, we were talking about some deep issues from your past. We've uncovered the fact that spanking is synonymous to nurturing for you. You like to feel the safety of being over my knee and being cared for in a way that you didn't get when you were growing up. You have even devised an ingenious way of connecting to the little girl inside of you. That is the person who loves to get mischievous, test the limits and wind up over my knee. Connecting to that little girl we call 'Rose' is very therapeutic. It's a way of acknowledging a part of you that lacked the childhood that everyone deserves. You were brought up in a situation where you often had to be vigilant and 'adult'. But every person needs to have the experience of carefree play and unapologetic spontaneity. Spanking is the key that has helped you unlock the child within. I've been the facilitator and the loving 'mom' you never had.
I was very touched when I heard you sob. I knew the crying was not about sadness but more of a feeling of true release. The little girl was expressing many things through her tears. Mostly it was a sense of relief that someone would be there to care and set limits. The little girl didn't have to ask or 'act out' in order to be heard. The spanking represented being cared about in a loving way. I know the spanking was not harder than anything I gave you before. Your sobs connected with the words and the bond between us. If you see the spanking I gave to Anna in 'True Life Spanking Girls #2' the reaction and emotional release was very similar.
I don't know why you think you didn't go into subspace. Of course you did. Subspace is merely a term. It's about going deep and connecting to buried emotions. When you are in this state, you forget about everything else. No thoughts about modesty, anger or rebellion. It's about sinking in and succumbing to the experience. Indeed that's where you went. Subspace is different for everyone. It's like having an orgasm. It just happens.
Now as for me stopping the spanking when I hear you cry, you can forget about that young lady. I will not be moved by your tears. You know I always spank until I am sure that you learn your lesson.
Thanks for sharing this very personal experience with my readers.
Then I thought I got 'lucky'. I met someone who lived fairly close and on paper he was everything that I desired: articulate, good sense of humor, personality and very in-sync with my own spanking desires. We met up and I wasn't disappointed. We started to date and our relationship proceeded as any 'normal' dating. We went out, got to know each other and didn't have sex for a few months into the relationship. The sex included spanking foreplay which I loved. I really felt I met the right guy for me. I was so happy to have found the complete package.
Today I email because I am devastated. It turns out that 'Mr. Right' has continued to correspond with other spanking females online. Sometimes he does some 'cyber spanking' and sometimes he actually meets these women and he administers disciplinary spankings to them. He claims that these spanking relationships are non-sexual and he is merely playing the role of caring 'daddy' to these women. He advises them, corresponds with them and then meets up with them to deliver spankings.
He never disclosed anything about these other relationships to me. I found out because as we've gotten closer, I've been spending more time at his house. The women call him. It was only a matter of time that I'd find out. He says these relationships have nothing to do with us and that I'm his 'special' woman. He has no plan to give these extracurricular spanking activities up. He says I'll have to accept this part of him if I want to be in a long term relationship with him.
Jacqueline, I don't want this. I grew up believing strongly in monogamy. Spanking or not once I'm in a committed (hopefully marital relationship) I don't expect my partner to be chatting with other women. I've talked to other scene people and unfortunately it seems like many people in the scene believe in some kind of plurality. Especially 'dominant' men. They seem to think it's OK for them to have more than one woman to play with. I think thats BS and scene or no scene I don't accept that it's OK for a guy to chat with other women in a provocative way online. In my book, he's a cheater. What do you think?
But, let's also remember a few things about this relationship. You yourself met him online. He met you, the same as he met the others. Did you ever discuss the idea of monogamy with him? Did you let him know your personal value system? It seems to me that a natural question would have been to ask almost right away - who else do you correspond with online? I know love is blind but open your eyes. Online chatting was the exact way you guys met. It's more than realistic to think that you couldn't have been the only one. I'm surprised that you didn't think to talk to him about this especially as you started to have feelings for him and especially before you progressed this union into the bedroom.
Another thing. Have you discussed the meaning of his plurality? What's that about? Perhaps there are ways where the two of you can play with others together. My suggestion is to play with other couples. Now that you are a couple, it is inappropriate for him to be seeing other women by himself. Spanking relationships are no different from any other except that spanking is a part of your personal sexual repertoire. Since spanking can be non-sexual, it does allow for some sexual enhancement. In other words if he really likes some kind of variety or interaction with other females, you could do it in a way where you are involved. I'm sure you'd be happier with that than having him sneak behind your back. It's a good compromise and I can help you with that further at another time
Last but not least, does this guy want to commit? You plainly state that you want to eventually get married. That's normal and natural for a woman in her 30's. Now is exactly the time to be planning a long term commitment, especially if you want to have a family. Men should be very aware of that fact when courting a 30-something female. These are the very things that need to be discussed. If he doesn't want to commit and if he doesn't want to ever marry, believe him. He's not going to change and he won't make good husband material. You or any female won't be able to change his mind. Time to go elsewhere.
I agree with you Charlene, that spanking play or discipline is not an excuse to see other women. It's misusing and abusing our fetish for a guy's own egocentric fantasy. While the scene allows for some extra play done consensually within the context of a relationship, it does not condone sneaking around. Unfortunately some male tops like to use their 'dominant' role as an excuse for side action. That's totally unacceptable in my book. The truth is, no adult woman wants just 'a daddy'. She eventually wants the full package.
Thanks for your email Charlene. I think it gives food for thought about the pros and cons of meeting someone strictly through a chat site. While it's great to hook up with a like-minded spanko, real, long-term relationships are multifaceted. Spanking is only one small component of long-term, general compatibility. Better to meet the right person and teach him about spanking. Or, compartmentalize and have a special spanking partner whom you meet for spanking play only - no strings or expectations attached.
Yes, you need to take the same caution as with any blind date. Tell someone you are meeting a new person. You don't have to mention spanking. You also should correspond a great deal first. Also find out some kind of personal information about him - real name, phone number, place of business, etc. Also go to letters section 33. Read my response to Rose. Its the third letter down.
When placing yourself over a knee, you are indeed turning yourself over to another human being. Spanking is as intimate as intercourse. Just with sex, you need to choose wisely and take precautions.
Thanks for writing. Let me know how it turns out.
A few weeks later:
I met my new 'friend' when he posted a personals ad referring to the movie "Secretary", and I responded to it. Since then we have been emailing for about a week, met for coffee, and spent time on the phone. A few days ago in an email, he had described how he would pull me over his knee, and spank me, testing my limits and wondering how red I would get. I have been floating in adrenaline ever since, excited, a little scared, nervous, aroused, but mostly just excited.
So tonight we went for a short hike in a public park - it seemed like we just needed to spend some time together. We decided to come back to my house to play (we already knew each other's names, employers, and phone numbers, so it was not revealing anything new to bring him here). We sat together on the couch, and he pulled me over his knee. The first few spanks were playful. For a while, there was quite a bit of discussion and laughter. He stopped from time to time to rub my bottom, which felt really nice. The spanks stung, some of them a lot, even through my jeans. We realized early on though, that although we had talked about having a "safe word" we had forgotten to establish one, so I chose one. I was hoping I would not want to use it.
And then it came out that I had been wasting time during the day and not getting all my work done. The spanking became more intense at that point. After a while, I didn't feel quite so much like having a conversation. Then he asked me to show me how red I had become (quite red!) He pulled me back over his knee and spanked me on my bare bottom. It hurt, but it was also exhilarating in the same way that a really steep hill on a bicycle is exhilarating. It makes you breathe hard, you don't think you can do it, but you do.
This was exactly what I wanted. Towards the end I was whimpering and complaining, but I wanted him to push me to my control limit. I wanted the spanking to get so intense that I couldn't think about any other part of my life.
The fact that we had a safe word gave me the freedom to cry out if I needed to and to trust him to stop when he felt I'd had enough. He went on until I was crying out with every whack and didn't think I could stand it any longer. But as much as it hurt, it was such a generous and loving act on his part. I don't like pain, but I liked being pushed to the point of "owie"!
He was surprised at how well I took it for a first timer. He only used his hand, but I am quite bruised. I'm sure I will be sore tomorrow, but who cares? I got exactly what I wanted and needed, and I think he really enjoyed giving it to me.
I think you had a good experience because you took your time and did your 'do-diligence.' Remember to always be cautious. One good guy doesn't mean they will all be considerate. Always remember that you are in a vulnerable spot once you get over anyone's knee. Especially a big guy who can hold you down firmly. Spankos are great people but beware of abusive men who take advantage of women who like their bottoms warmed.
Here's my dilemma. I love spanking and of course I love the intensity of spanking. When I get a DVD, I want to see the female get a real bottom warming. That's why I love watching you spank. You never hold back but at the same time I know you are experienced and careful. I can't say the same thing about other spankers. Though I like seeing hard spanking, I hate seeing guys who deliver beatings with no compassion. You've mentioned it on this site before. I totally agree. Guys have to be gentlemanly and not brutes when it comes to spanking a female bottom. Vinnie Spitliano and Chris North are excellent role models for male spankers. They each have a unique style but both are considerate, fun and know what they are doing.
That said, sometimes I feel that the women I meet, push me to spank beyond my own comfort level! It's not that I can't and it's not that I don't enjoy spanking hard. Some of the women who like to be spanked seem to be a bit masochistic. I've noticed a trend of women who are a bit overweight, come from abusive backgrounds and have low self-esteem. These women seem to want me to literally beat the tar out of them. Maybe subconsciously they feel they deserve this kind of treatment. I can't bring myself to do this. I don't get any enjoyment and all I want to do is hold these women and tell them they are OK and deserving of love; not abuse.
Sometimes these women get bratty. They call me a 'woos', etc. They goad me into spanking them harder than I think appropriate. How can I take control in these situations? Do you think I should just give them the spankings they ask for or should I take responsibility and stick to my ideals.
Sometimes spankos want to push the limits. They wonder what a 'real' spanking feels like. Each time they want to experience something harder and harder. Almost like a thrill ride. That's fine as long as the spanking is between two consenting adults and both are into 'going the distance'. A good top however, sets the limits. The top is the one who is ultimately delivering the spanking. Therefore, you have the control.
The first time I spank someone, I always 'err' on the side of lighter. Before I get heavier, I get to know my spankee very well. Even if she indicates that she wants something more solid, still I am responsible. I am always attentive to the condition of someone's skin. Personally, I like to spank a bottom and turn it a nice shade of blushing pink. I don't like to mark or welt. Sometimes it happens, but it's not my preference. If I notice any kind of lump or hematoma, I stop immediately.
Once the spanking gets too hard, the sexual excitement subsides and the spankee is hanging on for dear life. Then it becomes more like a test of endurance. It's less about fun and more about proving a point. I think that's the part you don't dig. I don't either. Get control of the ship. Lead in the journey. Deliver a spanking that builds but control the way you want to see it administered. She's literally putting her bare bottom into the palm of your hand. Take responsibility and don't get sucked into the bratty behavior. She just wants you to have a reason to spank her but ultimately she doesn't want you to go overboard or get out of control.
One comment you made needs clarification. I have met beautiful women who love spanking. I resent when I hear that stuff about scene girls mostly being overweight, abused or low self-esteem. Women like that unfortunately are the products of dysfunctional families but they exist within every group. It's inevitable that spanking people come from all kinds of backgrounds but it's unfair to label or typecast. Spanking is merely a fetish that comes from a strong reaction to a childhood event or it may even be genetic. Though spanking can sometimes be a good arena to re-parent, let's not stereotype or 'rescue' every female who likes to be spanked. The women I personally meet are all exceptionally pretty, are very kind and all have very cute spankable bottoms. They are some of the nicest females I've ever had the pleasure to meet.
I appreciate your faith in me and thank you for the compliments. I agree that it is off- putting to watch a big strong guy spank the daylights out of some petite female on DVD. I think M/f spanking is great within a couple relationship as long as the guy doesn't go overboard and that he also allows his woman to return the spanking. That's why I advocate switching. When watching, I prefer to see F/f DVDs. Somehow it psychologically reads better and I think the concept of maternal, domestic discipline has a sweetness that's fun to watch. It definitely does not seem as brutal.
Thank you for your letter and I hope you meet the spanking lady of your dreams.
So I finally got to hear the voice of Anna, the 'frightened' extra from Spanked In Front of The Class. I'm still shocked that it took her 6 years to contact you! Unlike me, I contacted you an hour after stumbling onto your website! Don't get me wrong, I don't consider myself all that courageous or overly adept. I mean I would never go in front of a camera. Anyway, I found Anna to be adorable and quite captivating, and her voice was so refreshingly candid. It was obvious that she was just yearning for a good spanking, and who better to give it to her than you? I especially loved how caring and nurturing you were towards her.
I liked the way you tenderly caressed her back and stroked her hair. Of course, the spanking that you gave her was so beautifully executed, I could hardly contain myself! A bright red bottom is always a turn on! After Anna's spanking, the relief in her voice was palpable and so profound. I also admired her willingness to embrace her spanking desires wholeheartedly and to let go in her experience and get spanked to tears. Personally, I love the idea of getting spanked to tears, but hate it at the same time. I mean I would love to be free enough to release in that way but pride, control, and a dear distrust of vulnerability... they conspire against my tears.
Thank you Lena,
Anna came to me as a true shock. Who would have thought that a girl I met briefly during the making of 'Spanked in Front of the Class' would email me years later and ask to be in a spanking DVD of her own? I wasn't even aware that she was a spanko. The scene we did together turned out to be awesome. Her reactions during that spanking were genuine and priceless. I could never have planned for anything that emotional, real and authentic.
I also really liked the scene I did with Trisha. Trisha and I have a long history together. Like you, she came to me for a session. I guess there's something to say about the first person who spanks you. It's a real bond. Trisha's interview is accurate and indeed very informative. She's been around the spanking scene for over a decade and she had a lot to share especially with female viewers like you.
Thank you so much Lena. Viewers like you motivate us to produce quality spanking productions that we can be proud of.
We couldn't see it, but the room grew so silent you could hear a pin drop. We heard every part of the spanking. When the co-ed finally regained her composure, she was marched back into the room, and made to stand facing the corner with her hands at her side and her burning bare behind on full display for the balance of the evening. I was so turned on by the whole matter my panties were very moist. The game proceeded, the evening ended and I thought that was all there was to it. How wrong was I.
One of the other older Female graduate students attended the party. I hadn't really noticed, as there were many attendees present that night. She did notice me however. And it had not gone unobserved by her that I was so stirred by that part of the game. Over time, we wound up at other parties together. We came to get to know one another. I am shy by nature. She is more outgoing. She introduced herself, and really got our friendship started. Being friends led to romance, and a relationship.
One semester, I moved out of the dormitory, and into her apartment. One spring, on my birthday, she treated me to a savory luncheon at home to celebrate the event. When it came time for dessert, I expected a birthday cake. Instead, she marched me into the living room, where she had set an armless chair in the middle of the room. All the drapes were closed, and the front door locked. Just to the right of the chair was a gift wrapped present with a greetings card attached to the ribbon bow adornment. She took me over her knee, and calmly advised me it was time for my birthday spanking. She raised my teal skirt, and lowered my french cut lemon yellow panties with white lace about the leg openings and waist band. This she did slowly, sensuously and ceremonially.
The bare bottom spanking stung, but it didn't really hurt me. Actually, it was a very erotic experience. While I was still draped, face down across her thighs. she reached over and gave me the present to unwrap. First, I opened the greetings card. It was an attractive birthday card, with a nice lilac floral design. In the part of the card where you write a special message, she inscribed that the present was both something she would use because it would please her, and because it was something I needed. I opened the present. It was an oval shaped, hard maple wood backed hair brush. She then held me in position, and ordered me to pass the hairbrush back to her. I did so reluctantly. In a cool and detached manner, she informed me from that moment on, anytime I got out of line, she wouldn't hesitate to bare and enthusiastically apply the wooden part of the hairbrush to my backside. Just so I would know a punishment spanking from her was something to fear, she was now going to give me a long hard hairbrush spanking. That she did.
When she finally put the hairbrush down, my behind felt like it was on fire. I just lay limply over her lap, crying my eyes out. After every last tear was shed and dried, she commanded me to stand facing the corner, and think about how to improve my manners. After 30 or so minutes, she took me into the study room, and gave me a two page list of rules that I had to follow. She made it clear that any even minor infraction would result in a spanking with the brush. I was told to learn the rules by heart. Just before dinner she quizzed me on them. You best believe that I knew them all by rote. During the two and one half more years I was a student there, we lived with each other. We were lovers, friends and soul mates. About once every ten days, you could find me lying over her lap, with my palms extended downward touching the floor for balance, kicking my legs and howling while she forcefully applied the dreaded wooden part of that ubiquitous hairbrush to my poor reddening rump. I was never so sore, or felt so loved and cared for since.
Thank you Malcolm,
Thank you all for your letters. I enjoy hearing from you. Remember this is a community. Sharing with others helps educate and leads to self-understanding about our unique interest in adult spanking. Feel free to reference and refer to any letter posted.